Friday, April 20, 2007

How much You Want To Bet The Director Casts Himself As The Lead?

‘SUEDE UTOPIA’
Brooklyn Atlantic Films is casting Suede Utopia (working title) (Good Lord, I hope you don't keep that title - it is extremely lame and awkward), a 20-minute mini-DV short in which two deviant girls (Oh... we're on to something...) forever change the life of an old, working-class, simple man (My goodness, I wonder how they manage to accomplish such a thing?). John XXXXX, dir.-prod.; Jen XXXXX, casting dir.-line prod.; Ralph XXXXX, prod. Shooting May 31-June 3 (tentatively) in Brooklyn, NY.Seeking—Billy: late 50s-early 60s, Mediterranean or Jewish American, understated New York accent, working class, introverted, sad and broody; Alexei: early to mid-30s, Russian or Eastern European, heavy foreign accent, slim build, talky, arrogant but friendly; Joanne: late 50s-early 60s, featured extra, sarcastic, grumpy, to play the wife of Billy; Caitlyn: 18-24, “suicide girl” look, sexy, campy, cheeky, flirty, Lolita, modern day pin-up girl; Lori: 18-24, like Caitlyn with a harder ege, more Alphabet City and less Williamsburg (I snorted with laughter when I read that - like there's a huge difference or something). Note: Both Caitlyn and Lori must be okay with on-screen kissing and sexual situations. Send pix & résumés (include email address) to John XXXXX, XXXXX St., Apt. 2H, Astoria, NY 11102; or email to XXXXX.com. Absolutely no drop-offs. No pay, but videocopy, credit, and meals provided.

*shiver*

The description of this project reminds me of something my friends and I accidentally came across on hotel cable during our high school trip to Toronto. Let me just say this: Old men, leopard print speedos and two whorish-looking women ARE NOT APPEALING TO ANY ONE.

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