Ho, Ho, Hos?

It's that time of year again - when little people are in demand for the seasonal, elfin entertainment of those who aren't little people. There aren't many specifics here, but I really hope they're not adding injury to insult by making this an elf-stripper thing. And I hope the stripper poles aren't red & white striped. But most importantly, I hope the "naughty list" puns are kept to a minimum...

Midget Pole dancers needed for 12/16 (SoHo)
Date: 2010-12-02, 5:58PM EST
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Midget poled [sic] dancers needed for an event on December 16th. We are looking for sexy fun little people to pole dance/ go-go dance on an elevated platform. This is for a fun Holiday party to be held on Thursday December 16th. This will be a very fun exciting private invitation only event. We will be casting this saturday at our office in Soho (Houston and Broadway).
The rate is TBD.
Please respond with photos.
Thanks and Best Regards!

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

Merry Christmas! (And you might want to wash your hands after opening your gifts - just in case.)
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Nudity Required, No Pay: College Edition

HOTEL

Student Film COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY STUDENT THESIS FILM
NO PAY CATERING, DEMO COPY PROVIDED
Director: Nadja XXXXX
Casting Director: Nadja XXXXX
Interview Dates: 28 Feb 2010
Shoot/Start Date: 9 March- 13 March
Location: LES, New York

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY BY THURSDAY 2/25 TEL: 646-XXX-XXXX. CALL BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 10AM AND 6PM (NO CALLS WILL BE TAKEN OR RETURNED AFTER 6PM). NOTE: ALSO INCLUDE PERFORMANCE VIDEOS OR ACTOR SLATES IF AVAILABLE. DO NOT SEND DEMO TAPES.

Hotel is a humorous and provocative short-film project, a critical discourse about a small society of self-centered – i.e. absorbed, adjusting, controlled and controlling - people. The Hotel operates as a metaphor for subculture, articulating the physical and mental limitations a subculture imposes on its members. THERE IS NUDITY IN THIS PROJECT.

Roles: [ HOTEL OWNER ] approx. 50 years old, male hotel owner, wealthy, wise, fat, has given up, greedy. THERE IS NUDITY FOR THIS ROLE. [ BELLBOY ] 25-35, male, asexual, beast, model, arrogant, loyal, doggy (Do you mean 'dodgy,' or is this a reference to the 'asexual, beast' element?) absent. [ FOUR TRAINEES ] 18-30 years old, female/male, ambitious, naïve, emotional, starving for fame. THERE IS NUDITY FOR THESE ROLES.

To be fair - it's a student project. But still, that's more than 1 or 2 people getting naked for you for free. You can't have it all, my friend. You gotta fork over some lettuce if you want to see the buns.
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DANGER: Falling Apples

You may or may not have seen the recent headline: Nick Brooks Charged In Murder Of His Swimsuit Designer Girlfriend Sylvie Cachay. Domestic violence (allegedly [I guess at this stage we must give him the benefit of the doubt]) is terrible enough, but this whole thing is just plain grosser when you consider that Nick Brooks is the son of the now infamous king of the casting couch, Joseph Brooks.

An Oscar-winning composer [Joseph Brooks] faces multiple rape charges after allegedly using the award and the allure of movie stardom to tempt young women to his casting couch…Mr Brooks, who wrote and directed the 1977 film You Light Up My Life, about a comedian who has a one-night stand with a director and which won an Oscar for Best Song, faces up to 25 years in jail if convicted of first-degree rape…Prosecutors allege that Mr Brooks posted adverts on the internet site Craigslist in which he offered to turn young women into film stars.

The adverts said that an “Oscar Award-winning composer” was searching for a “new face” — a beautiful “young girl between 18 to 22”. “He intimidated them. They were frightened and suddenly found themselves in his apartment for different purposes than they had anticipated," Robert Morgenthau, the Manhattan district attorney, said.

And you know what's really scary, is his credentials are REAL. So even if you did your research, it would seem above-board. But read on (full article here)...

Most of the women targeted came from Washington state and Oregon in America’s Pacific northwest, and would have been tired by the time that they arrived to meet Mr Brooks at his flat on East 63rd Street in New York.

Once the women were inside, Mr Brooks allegedly told them to audition for the role of a prostitute in a scene that required them to drink a lot of wine.

“The part called for them to drink the wine in a seductive manner. He told them to be very comfortable with their bodies, to drink the wine and feel sexy about themselves as they became more and more intoxicated," Adam Lamboy, of the Manhattan Special Victims Squad, said.

That takes a lot of forethought, help, and deceit on his end, to be sure. So it's understandable that a girl might initially feel comfortable enough to make the cross-country trek. BUT BE FOREVER WARNED about auditions in anyone's home or apartment. Sometimes they're legit, but always be safe: request to meet at a different location, bring a friend, tell someone where you are going, and leave as soon as anything gets fishy.

All this serves to remind us, dear readers and fellow actors, that we must always be vigilant. Acting is a job, just like any other. It's not worth risking your health or your safety for.

And, should anything bad go down (god forbid), then by all means REPORT IT. To the authorities or even just to whoever hosted the casting notice. Don't let one unfortunate incident snowball to dozens. Help a gal out.

Gabby always says: 'Tis better to be alive and out of work, than to be dead or raped. Now... go forth and be awesome.
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Classic NR/NP

TRANSLATION

Student Film
NON-UNION
Santa Monica College short film.
Director: Wes XXXXX
Writers: Luke XXXXX and Wes XXXXX
Casting Director: Wes XXXXX
Interview Dates: Nov.1-Nov.5
Callback Dates: Nov.8
Shoot/Start Date: Mid Nov.
Pay Rate: Credit, Copy, Meal
Location: Santa Monica, CA

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY THERE IS NUDITY IN THIS PROJECT. TEL: 214-XXX-XXXX IF POSSIBLE, PLEASE SUBMIT ACTOR'S ONLINE DEMO CLIPS ALONG WITH EACH ACTOR SUBMISSION.

Translation is a short film that takes place in the same universe as Inception. It's going to be an over-the-top comedy that ultimately becomes a dramedy. [ ELLIE ] Caucasian. 18-25. Female. The sister of the lead, Preston's fiance. Ellie is a beautiful college student that is visiting her sister, Savanna. The opening scene takes place at Savanna's house where Preston and his friend Bo are outside forcibly doing yard work for Savanna, who is a control freak.. think crazy wife from The Hangover. However, Ellie is a bit more vigilant as she's still in college and sneaks off with Bo, a bit of a player, for a comedic sex scene. (Vigilant? I don't think that word means what you think it means, and I don't even think I know what you think it means.) Only requires topless nudity. The film is about Preston and Bo going into each other's dreams to see if you can subconsciously understand foreign languages you have heard before. They need to translate a mysterious scroll that Preston digs up while gardening, and there's a funny dialogue scene between Preston Bo and Ellie as Bo and Ellie are having sex. After we film and edit this, we will come back in early January to film what should end up being a 30 minute short for festivals. All other roles have been cast using students from the Playhouse West Acting School in Hollywood.

Let me save Bo & Preston some time - I think the scroll might read: "Pay your naked actresses." ...
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