Wednesday, December 16, 2009

They're Right - Not Being In It Will Probably Do Wonders For My Career.

KILL DATE: 12/18.2009 (Maybe we should put it out of its misery now?)

JOB TITLE: Casting Call For Play

ORGANIZATION: The pinkhandbag Casting

UNION: Non-union

LISTING: We are now casting for the play the vampire with the pink handbag (First they sparkle. Now they carry kicky accessories? What's next?), we are looking for talented people. We are seeking actors who are available at least 2-3 times a week for rehearsal, during the months of January and February. There are straight roles in this play and there are also gay roles (I see: sparkles>handbags>salon school...). The gay roles do no have any physical scenes at all (Then is that even technically a 'role'?). The play can help to promote your acting career (Even If I'm not actually in it?). This is a no pay role but you will gain experience and exposure (But wait - if I'm not even "physically" in the show... then how...?). Lead characters will be featured in all advertisements, this role can open doors for you. Send clear photos and also credentials, anything that you think is relevant to XXXXX.com

I am so confused!

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Daisy, Daisy, Give Me Your Answer Do, I'm Half Crazy All For The Love Of - OH MY GOD, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!

JOURNEY THROUGH TIME
Feature Film
NON-UNION

Producer: Esther XXXXX
Director: Rolfe XXXXX
Casting director: Mark XXXXX
Start Date: April 3rd, 2010 (7-week shoot)
Location: Los Angeles
There is pay. Above scale for lead.

[ JESSICA ARSEN ]
A beautiful, intelligent woman, 18-30, about to embark on a journey through space and time to the farthest reaches of the universe and beyond! She has converted a trans-dimensional blimp into a floating television studio (what, is this like the 'Barbie Dream Space Blimp'?) that will record her sexy adventures through space and time. (Partial nudity required) (Because an intelligent woman in charge of intergalactic travel still needs to create her own soft-core porn.)

[ MAJOR DIZZARAY ]
A government official (40’s-50’s) that is in charge of the military operation to control the technology that Jessica has worked so hard to keep out of the hands of the government.

[ WILLIAM FERRIS ]
A handsome, intelligent scientist that works for Jessica running the blimp and the computers on board. Ferris does not trust the government or anyone in power. (Partial nudity required)

[ MANDY RAINES ]
A sarcastic and lovely telepathic woman, 18-30, who can tap into past lives and communicate with spiritual beings in the new dimensions the crew discovers on their journeys. She is also empathic and can feel the emotions (among other things) of those around her. She is like a human antenna which is usually a great gift but can sometimes be a heavy burden. (Partial nudity required)

[ GWEN LEWIS ]
A shy but sexy computer expert, 18-30, that Jessica has placed in charge of the broadcasting show onboard the blimp. She tries to overcome her shy nature as feelings develop between her and Dr. Blue. Gwen can always be counted on in a life-threatening situation to come up with a solution under pressure

[ DR. BRIAN BLUE ]
The inventor of the time travel machine that gets installed in Jessica's blimp. In his 30’s, Dr. Blue is a handsome man who often leaps before looking which gets the crew into trouble. (Partial nudity required)

[ DR. CARLA TANNER ]
Dr, Blue's assistant and as smart as she is uptight. In her 20’s, this gorgeous scientist desperately needs to loosen up and fortunately for her has many opportunities during the blimp's travels. (Partial Nudity required)

Storyline: Jessica Arsen (Arse-n? Puh-lease. So basically you made an "intelligent" astronaut character all about ass. Stay classy, Esther & Rolfe...) leads a group of intrepid scientists through space and time on a series of sexy adventures. There are run-ins with aliens, monsters and even a little paranormal activity along the way!

Anyone else feel airsick???

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Not-Very-Originals

JT Talent and Casting will be casting B Originals New (new what?) that will be shot on Sunday Nov 15th in Paterson NJ from 1 pm to 6pm.

This video will have the amazing DJ Deep Freeze from Sub Zero Magazine and DVD. There is no pay but Great exposure and a Chance to meet some Great People. We are looking for the following parts

1 (10) Female Models 21 to 30 any ethic (Really? Any ethics welcome? That's dicey...) sexy good Bodies (You know - ladies who are looking for their Mr. Good Bodies...)
2 (4) Female HIP Hop Dancers any Ethnic
3 (2) Body Guards Big Bouncer Types

Here is the Breakdown if you are interested please email JT Pictures and info

Artist Name : Be OriginalSong Title : "Roll It Hold It"

Scene Props : Cars, House backdrops, Champagne Bottles, Cameras, Models, Dancers, Food, ECT. (Do we need to bring our own props or something? Why are you telling us this?)

Content : The video will portray Be Original as an artist performing the song in three or more scenarios including car scenes, club scene and with dancers. The song is an upbeat hip-hop dance song with a lot of energy. One scene will also show a photo shoot of models posing and walking catwalk style.

SCENE ONE : The song starts with an announcement and the scenes will show Be Original, the cars and models and other participants in the video. The break of the song will show dancers, Be Original and dancers.

SCENE TWO : The first verse of the song comes in and Be Original is shown performing with partners, then with models and than by himself.

SCENE THREE : There is a break in the song that will feature the dancers, then props such as champagne bottles and more cars. (The image in my head of this scene is hysterical.)

SCENE FOUR : This scene will show all participants (especially models) going crazy to the song. Be Original will do certain scenes that don't show him performing just may be grooving to the beat, blowing kisses at models or posing by the cars ECT. (IT'S ETC. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Short for ET CETERA.)

SCENE FIVE : Dancers are dancing hard to the song and lyrics (To the song and lyrics? At the same time?! Crazy.). More models getting their pictures taken and doing sexy poses and wilding out with the guys.

SCENE SIX : This scene shows BeOriginal getting in and out of cars, with the models in the cars, models say certain lyrics and everyone having a great time. The shoots are open for suggestions on creative input, camera angles and wardrobe.

This particular day of shooting will also include random shots of guests who are willing to participate in the video. There will also be group model scenes of the posing and dancing. Many of the scenes will be in slow motion to add drama to the video (and sloooowly jiggling boobs...)

Any questions or concerns call JT 
646-XXX-XXXX or 646-XXX-XXXX

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Why Don't You Just Pay A Prostitue? Sure, It's Illegal, But This Is Just Ickier.

Aspiring female mode with jealous boyfriend.... (NYC)
Date: 2009-09-15, 11:45AM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.com

If the title describes you my opportunity is not for you. (*gasp* You tricked me!) I am a professional New York City based photographer with state-of-the-art studios and looking for a aspiring female model who has always dreamed of making it big but have never had the opportunity and the resources to succeed despite her beauty. If you have the will and determination to sleep with me, er - to make it to the top and you have what it takes to succeed this opportunity is right for you. If you have been around the block with photos all over the map and have not been able to make it so far, this is not for you. You need to be fresh, new, curious, willing to push the envelope, attach to nothing and open to everything. If I am describing you, I will unleash my top make-up and hair artists (and the dogs with the bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you?), plus I will put at your disposal my professional studio and finances to help you succeed. If interested apply with two recent full body shots, info about you and a contact number. Also make sure your are available this coming Sunday with at least three outfits to test shoot at our studios with my professional make-up and hair artists. Please reply indicating why you are the right individual for this situation. Thanks.

* Location: NYC
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

So, what was the deal with the boyfriend? Why did you mention that, Mr. Photographer? I can't imagine why that would be important...

No, YOU Be Serious.

Comedy pilot (NY)
Date: 2009-09-15, 12:28PM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org

I am looking for someone in the industry, writers, agents, comedians, etc. I wrote a tv pilot for the FOX comedy contest. I found out about the contest two weeks before it was due. I've never wrote a script before and always used my humor as a way of living life. I don't want to stand up (then sit, by all means), had the chance, just not interested in it. I know I have the creative mind for comedy. I used an online template for the script. It's not the script I'm worried about, I would like to use my humor for different projects. But I would like someone to look at the script and see the ideas I have. It is registered with the WGA. It is about a 40 yr old mailman who falls into a coma (please... share more of your idea with the good people of Craigslist - none of whom would ever do anything unscrupulous...). The show would take place using his dreams and memories. For instance the show opens with Jesus at the last supper. The show ends with him making love to his mother in law. So it could be anytime, anywhere. Whatever triggers his mind whether it be a something playing on the tv or radio, people talking in the room, etc. And thanks to medical technology his wife can see these "dreams".

I wanted something that could take place anytime, like a cartoon instead of the usual boring family of four sitcom. My humor is a mix between shows like Family Gut (I LOVE Family Gut!), Seinfeld, Married with Children, comedians like a Jim Norton and maybe Ben Stiller movies, or an Airplane (um... like an actual aircraft or did you mean like one of the Airplane movies? I have a feeling an actual plane would have a very dry sense of humor; no fun at all). It is very hard to make me laugh so I go and look for something different.

Like I said I've never wrote a script before (Get out of town! Have you ever written an email before? Ever use spell-check?), I know there are mistakes. Maybe it's a wrong idea. Maybe it's better to turn it into a screenplay. But it's the material I can come up with and contribute that I want to be seen.

Please be serious.

* Location: NY
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

Are You An Idiot? Your IQ 10?

Are you hot? A 10? Be on National TV (nyc)
Date: 2009-09-15, 1:26PM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org

Nationally Acclaimed, Emmy Winning tv show is looking for HOT men and women in the tri-state area. Do you get picked up all the time, are you master of the opposite sex? Your looks have gotten you far, and now they're going to get you on national TV.

If you are a 10 and you know it, email the address above with your name, number and recent photo!!

* Location: nyc
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

No Pay for a 'Nationally Acclaimed, Emmy Winning tv show'? If you reply to this then all the blood must have rushed to your boobs...

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

I Hope He Knows How To Use A Camera Better Than He Knows How To Market Himself.

Female bikini models (Downtown)
Date: 2009-08-31, 9:54PM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org

Work with photographer
Add to your portfolio
Seeking beautiful women especially with legs (Damn. But will she know how to use them?)
Spanish Caucasian Black Asian
No studio stuff, let's hit the beach
Are you daring enough to get a little sand? (...To get a little sand...? What? And, wait - you said 'Downtown'... is there a beach downtown?)

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: Pub only

EXTRA! EXTRA! A Play With Dialog!

Local Talent WANTED! Actors/Actresses (Staten Island)
Date: 2009-09-01, 2:04AM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org

*****Prefer NON-UNION actors that LIVE ON STATEN ISLAND (Who doesn't?)*****

Actors & Actresses wanted for a ridicilously funny, witty, hilariously odd ... PLAY! (A PLAY?! The heck you say.)

Experienced preferred ... but good memorization skills A MUST! This is a 'dialogue intensive' property! (Unlike all those other 'plays' on Broadway where you just stand around, pantomiming everything.)

N.Y. Director & Producer .... Project will be VIDEOED for future airing! NON-UNION PREFERRED!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CASTING:

Please BE SURE to put your 'character preference' in the 'subject' of your email! Thank you! (OK!!!!!! [Who says too many exclamation points AND CAPITAL LETTERS make a person look desperate?)

Male in 30s. Attractive, wise-cracking leader.
Female in 30s. Attractive, sex-crazed female equal to Merv. (I bet she's sex-craved - aren't they all? And who's Merv, btw? Is he one of these 'attractive males' in his 30s?)
Male in 30s. Attractive, cool and aloof friend.
Male in 30s. Attractive, self-aware hypochondriac.
Female in 30s. Attractive, good girl mixed up with wrong crowd.
Female in 30s. Attractive, meek member of the group.
Male in 30s. Attractive, happy-go-lucky friend.
Male in 30s. Attractive, chronically insecure friend.
(Hold on folks - here come the 'hilarious' part:)
Murderer……Male in 40s. Tough-looking philosophical prisoner.
Rapist…………Male in 40s. Tough-looking philosophical prisoner.
Burglar………Male in 40s. Tough-looking philosophical prisoner.
Waiter .... Male or Female, Any age!
Psychiatric attendant #1…………Male or Female / Any Age / Big and strong.
Psychiatric attendant #2…………Male or Female / Any Age / Big and strong.

*****Prefer NON-UNION actors that LIVE ON STATEN ISLAND*****

~~~~~~~NOTE: If you can't FOLLOW THESE DIRECTIONS ...

>>>>>>>>>>PLEASE ... DON'T APPLY!<<<<<<<<<<

..........We are looking for actors/actress that CAN FOLLOW DIRECTION!

Please forward your HEAD SHOT ONLY .. in the body of your email.

We WILL NOT view web sites/myspace/facebook .. or anything else ...

We will ONLY view your head shot if it is INCLUDED in the BODY of your EMAIL ....

Please put your 'character preference' in the 'subject' of your email!
Thank you!

*****Prefer NON-UNION actors that LIVE ON STATEN ISLAND*****

* Location: Staten Island
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: 1 Comp. Ticket

You are SO welcome.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Thank You For Your Honesty

Not much remarkable about this little post - but I do enjoy this repeat offender's (see post below) admittance that most of his emails are for little more than "club promotions":

Hello to all my clients in friends

Saturday July 18th from 2pm to 6pm at new restaurant XXXXXth street btw 7th and 8th ave JT Talent and Casting will be holding auditions for his new feature film [REDACTED]

A big city lawyer's search for his young sister takes him to a small town where nothing is as it seems... [REDACTED]

This film has a Budget of million and a Half and is SAG and funded... Now if you were cast or promised a part please do not show up

Please bring 2 pictures and resume if you don't have that bring something
have a monologue prepared or a short story the Director will ask you some questions

Dress code is casual but neat this is a open call but sag clients will go first celebrities welcome all parts open

we need leads,supporting,extras all paid

If you are attending the audition and you may bring friends that's ok

THIS IS NOT A CLUB PROMOTION THIS IS A REAL AUDITION THE FIRST 1

Any questions Call JT 646-XXX-XXXX

Definitely No Winners Here.

RICHARD XXXXX (Analyze that [I will, shortly - don't you worry]) AND JERRY XXXXX (Sopranos) AND JT TALENT AND CASTING WILL BE WORKING ON A NEW sag PROJECT Called LOTTO Deferred Pay

casting will be thursday July 23 th at Ripley Greers 520 8th ave room 16 q 16th floor btw 36th and 37th street from 11 am to 2pm call JT if you have any questions

casting call for all types

NURSES MID 30'S
CALL GIRL TYPE 25 UP
MOB TYPE CARACTORS (ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THAT TYPO??? You're in show business - you see this word every day!!!) 40 -50
BUSINESS MEN 40 - 60
TOM RILEY'S WIFE MID 40'S
CASINO PATRONS AND DEALERS
DOCTOR MID 50'S
SHOE MAKER AND CLEANER GIRL 30'S
TOPLESS DANCERS
SOME SEXUAL SCENES ( FLASH )
PRODUCER RICHARD XXXXX
DIRECTOR JERRY XXXXX
CASTING JT TALENT and Casting
WRITER JERRY XXXXX

CALL RICHIE FOR INFORMATION tonight 347-XXX-XXXX

I like how the topless dancers have no age requirement.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Baby, I ALWAYS Think "Porn Star".

Casting girls for maury show

So I'm also looking for three more girls:

One Caucasian female specifically to have very busty look.
Large breasts, skinny petite body, very attractive. Think.porn star. (Is that a new mantra or something?: Think! Porn star!)

The second, a Caucasian female, young looking, with a very attractive, distinctive face.

The third, a Caucasian female, that looks young. Not very particular. (She doesn't have a particular look, or her tastes aren't that particular? You'd have to assume the latter is she was submitting for this role, I'd think.)

Every actor will have to be 18 years of AGE OR OLDER and have proper identification! Which means a drivers license/state picture ID plus a social security card; or a valid US passport.

If your not on the Datbase sign up or you will not be submitted link is on bottom

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The "Hot & Exotic" Part Makes Me Question The "Artistic" Part

K-Lounge
Television, Non-Union
Union Status Non-Union
Run(Usage) ongoing
Rate paid TBD

Synopsis:

With a contract for National TV and global distribution in place, we are creating a cutting edge show on sex and it's evolution from the beginning to modern day. All shoots are on closed sets and conducted in a very professional atmosphere. Ideal candidates should be smart, hard working and ambitious. If you are a hot, exotic female at least 18 years old, ready for some artistic nudity and feel you have what it takes then please submit

Role:

submit HOST / Non-Union / Lead / Female / All Ethnicities / 18-35
With a contract for National TV and global distribution in place, we are creating a cutting edge show on sex and it's evolution from the beginning to modern day. All shoots are on closed sets and conducted in a very professional atmosphere. Ideal candidates should be smart, hard working and ambitious. If you are a hot, exotic female at least 18 years old, ready for some artistic nudity and feel you have what it takes then please submit

Rate: TBD

Friday, January 23, 2009

It Takes Finesse To Ask For Free Nudity...

FINESSE
Short Film
NON-UNION
NO PAY

Prod Company: Onset Films LLC
Producer: Dan XXXXX
Producer: David XXXXX
Director/Writer: Gian XXXXX
Interview: TBD, Week of Febuary 9-13
Shoot: March 21-22
Location: New York City

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY
BY 2PM THURS FEB 5TH
...

There is nudity in this project.

'Finesse' follows a man through his last day living. It is a story of loss, memories and life. The New York content will be mixed with content being shot on location in Montana.

SEEKING:

[ JANA ]
a prostitute. The role includes 5 short lines and FULL NUDITY (no sex scene). Acting ability is a must as we are not looking for just a nude body (You will be when you realize how many women want to get naked for free and just 5 lines of dialog!). Jana's character is a key element of the story (which is not reflected in the compensation). Please do not submit if you are not serious and/or available the weekend of March 21st and 22nd.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Ok, But I Just Have 1 Question: Is This A Non-Union Shoot?

9 Run Run (This is a NON UNION SHOOT )
Feature Film, Non-Union
Union Status: Non-Union
Run(Usage): 10 day shoot (18 hour day) This is a NON UNION SHOOT (Ok, raise your hands if you want to work for 18 hours a day, for 10 days without pay and no union protections!). IF you ARE UNION WE WILL NOT AUDITION YOU.
Rate: NO PAY. Transportation and Feeding During Shoot. This is a NON UNION SHOOT. IF you ARE UNION WE WILL NOT AUDITION YOU.

Submissions Due By 1/9/2009
Callback Note: Only Talent with an X-factor (I'm glad they mentioned that - I would have forgotten to bring my x-factor. Goodness knows a non-paying non-union gig exploiting women deserves nothing but the best possible actresses - God speed good casting people!) will be receive call backs Please if you are with a union please be advised the This is a Non Union shoot and we are not auditioning union talent for this project.

Synopsis: In a bid to find new sense of purpose following the tragic death of her mother and escape her over protective father to find some peace and sanity in her life, a self absorbent (as absorbent as Sham-Wow?!) gap year university student, embarks on a road trip, with her best friend and six final year film students seeking adventure, thrill and excitement, while at the same time making a documentary for their final year project. Everything is going exactly as planned, until an irresistible hitch hiker comes into the equation, Now they learn an untold tale, of a serial killer of a different breed, presumed dead in a fire (That actually sounds like a fairly common breed), from the only escape victim, (A note on the over-use of commas: when in doubt - leave it out) that took place, 25 years earlier, before most of them were born. Now, they seek to unearth and document that tale but complications arise when what starts out as a road tripping, soul searching and consequently tale seeking journey becomes the beginning of nightmare, a game of survivalFor the tale they see is more than just a tale, its alive, and out to history.

What?


Supporting / Female / All Ethnicities / 18 - 30 / Nudity / Sexual Situations
ROLE # 7 Seeking 1 talent for this role : ALEKSANDRA Mc CAINE,Female, 24, Tomboy, a bit of a pot head, doesn't really give a shit about anything. She has a brother Mario, two years her senior. Together they were brought up by her grand mother after parents died in a car crash. Mario left home at 17 and has never been heard from since. Aleksandra ran away from home twice in her teens, in attempts to find and reunite herself with her brother. After the second attempt failed she gave it up, but still kept him in her heart. Most guy's that show interest in her end up being losers. She has an extreme talent with electronics, She loves (PINK ) and occasionally smokes a joint (well she IS a bit of a pot-head...). Aleks is one of the most part stable and yet a carefree individual. She's independent and rock like character having many sterling qualities being confidence, strong will and calm. She is nevertheless, fair as well as demanding. She is practical and prudent, Ambitious and disciplined, Patient and careful, Humorous and reserved.
Rate: No Pay