Keeeeeepeeerrrs... Come Out To Plaaaaaaaaayyyy...

'The Keepers'

Casting notice expires: July 24, 2013 (Not soon enough)
SCRIPTED TV & VIDEO
UNION AND NONUNION
PAID
Share: (I think this means the pay is a percentage of profits? Oh... so optimistic...)
COMPANY
GSpot Productions (Of course)
David XXXXX, dir.-prod.
PRODUCTION DESCRIPTION
Casting "The Keepers," a Non-Union spec TV pilot from independent producer. Project description: "A post apocalyptic ring of gangs gear up for all out war and intense battle just before they discover the secret to their survival." 

REHEARSAL AND PRODUCTION DATES & LOCATIONS TBA

SEEKING TALENT Select a role below for more information and submission instructions.
Nobbie ( Lead): Female, 18-35, All Ethnicities, the beautiful and powerful leader of The Keepers.

Fix ( Supporting): Male, 18-48, All Ethnicities, the fearless and powerful leader of the "Punks" gang, strong physical appearance similar to Brandon Lee in "The Crow".

Worm ( Supporting): Female, 14-18, Caucasian, Hispanic, Ethnically Ambiguous / Mixed Race, the young teenage daughter of Wheelie. SShe's smarter, tougher, and more gifted than anyone realizes. She sees everything and knows a lot more. She desperately wants the war to stop and will try anything to keep Wheelie safe. She's no fool and you better not turn your back on her. Darker colors of hair preferred. The actress for this role also narrates the story. She needs to have some insight and lead ability. Her voice needs to be youthful yet stern and mature at the same time. She's young and pretty, but with a sense of responsibility.

Spoke ( Supporting): Male, 18-38, Caucasian, Hispanic, Ethnically Ambiguous / Mixed Race, looks up to his older brother, Wheelie. He would die before he let his brother or his family down. He grew up by Wheelie's side and inside the safety and protection of the Rollers. He's as hard as stone, but has his heart in the right place. He loves Nobbie and will stop at nothing to protect her.

Scrape ( Supporting): Male, 18-48, All Ethnicities, just like he sounds: smelly, sneaky, backstabbing, murderous, and criminal. He's tough and intimidating. If he can get his hands on Nobbie, he can weasel his way up to leader of the Punks.

Space ( Supporting): Male, 18-64, All Ethnicities, the close counterpart of Toast and may be his lover. Together, they often find themselves in the wrong place at the right time. Space dropped out of high school early and has bad hygiene. He has a good nose and is good at finding valuable items for trade. He forgets things a lot and often forgets where he's going. He's thin and frail and hides from trouble whenever he can.

Toast ( Supporting): Male, 18-64, All Ethnicities, the close counter-part of "Space" and may possibly be his lover. Space and Toast always seem to be in the wrong place at the right time. They are inseparable and do everything together, including getting hurt together. Fumbling, accident prone, mocking, clumsy. Should be short and over weight. Similar to Twigg and Koeler in "Pirates of the Caribbean."

AUDITIONS
Seeking submissions from: San Francisco, CA

SCRIPT EXCERPT (This is my favorite part!)

BACK TO PRIOR SCENE
WHEELIE looks… his will together with his strength collapses. NOBBIE looks about her. She screams. The two spin around trying to back away, but it’s no use. They are surrounded by 7 Punks gang members. Spoke laughs in bitterness and pity.

CU
“Scrape, you have a lot of balls showing up he…" Before he can finish, SCRAPE interjects his opinion up close in Spokes face. “Yea, well your shit for brains brother ain’t here, prince. So, what are you gonna do, huh … cry for help?”

SCRAPE looks around for approval. The rest of the Punks look at each other and smile devilishly.

CU
NOBBIE tries to be tough, but her fear forces tears into her words. “You better not touch me, Scrape! Wheelie warned you not to touch us or…" "Or what my little glamour puss!?” SCRAPE exclaims. “If you haven’t noticed, Wheelie in the sky is failing to keep the peace! Soon, Stone and the Mayor will have nothing to hide behind, and you my little plum cake… will be all MINE.”

MEDIUM SHOT
NOBBIE shrieks then looks at Scrape in hatred and disgust. Scrape motions and the Punks grab the two lovers. “Which one should we rape first, Scrape?” Laughter surrounds them, but then suddenly SPOKE makes a quick move. He lets out a breath, lunges forward escaping the hold, and smashes Scrapes big toe with the foot of his heel. Scrape screams in agony. Then in slow motion, Spoke spins around and elbows Scrape sharply in the nose… killing him instantly. The sound of his nose penetrating his skull travels to the ears and the gaping open wide mouths of the Punks as they watch their powerful Captain humiliatingly die before their eyes. Then, Scrape and his lifeless body free fall to his knees and then to the ground...

Pure gold.

Sounds Like A Stinker.

P.O.O.P. THE MOVIE
Feature Film
NON-UNION
No Pay, Transportation and Meals

Produced by: Improv Troupe Eight IS Never Enough
Writer: Evan XXXXX
Casting Director: Laurice XXXXX
Interview: Feb 11, 12, 13, 14, 15
Callback: Feb 15
Shoot: Feb 18-March 20
Location: New York (some NJ and Long Island)

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY       

Mockumentary Feature film. Improv exerience a plus.

[ THEODORE MILLES ]
45-55, P.O.O.P Board Member, Cofounder and President, reserved, timid, not that smart.

[ BEATRICE MILLES ]
45-55, P.O.O.P Board Member, Cofounder and Vice President, smart, the brains behind the organization.

[ BOBBY MILLES ]
28, P.O.O.P Board Member, Son of Beatrice and Theodore, 1st Champion, host of the event, obnoxious, privileged.

[ SAMUEL LONGFELLOW ]
30, P.O.O.P Board Member, has a good heart, very nervous, low self-esteem, the new accountant.

[ KATHERINE O'GRADY ]
24, Competitor from Los Angeles, tall, sexy, less than a genius, struggling actress/model, does extra work, considers herself famous, moving to NYC to become infamous, when she gets nervous she talks very loudly.

[ LAURANNE SUE ELLEN ]
21, Competitor from South Carolina, country girl, hick, works at a local fast food restaurant and hopes to become manager one day, has never left her town, was raised by her grandparents, has a horrible fear of airports.

[ MIKE KENMORE ]
20, Competitor from Utah, big guy, intimidating, dresses and thinks he is a vampire, really a sweetheart, misunderstood, works as a crossing guard, considers himself the prince of darkness.

[ NANCY ELIZABETH ]
19, Competitor from NYC, Upper East Side, rich, privileged, a fake youthful innocence, a terror to her Nanny.

[ SEBASTIAN SHERIDAN SHEPPARD ]
21, Competitor from the Hamptons, twin brother of Shoshanna Susannah Sheppard, gay, feminine, cocky, rich because of inheritance, lives in family house.

[ SHOSHANNA SUSANNAH SHEPPARD ]
21, Competitor from the Hamptons, twin sister of Sebastian Sheridan Sheppard, last years winner, gay, manly, cocky, rich because of inheritance, lives in family house.

[ LISA HUNG ]
31, Competitor from NYC, lives in Chinatown, proud Vietnamese, doesn’t know she was adopted, ghetto fabulous, slightly overweight, short last name means prosperity, works at her parents dry-cleaning place.

[ QUINN FLYNN BARTOW ]
23, Competitor from Long Island, loves animals, loves show tunes, works at an animal shelter, best friend with his mother and cat, quirky, fun-spirited, eccentric.)

[ GWYNETH BARTOW ]
(50-60, Quinn’s Mother, loving, quirky, fun-spirited. 

[ SARA KENMORE ]
33, Mother to Mike Kenmore, Republican, Mormon, doesn’t know what went wrong with Mike.

[ WILLIAM KENMORE ]
43, Father to Mike Kenmore, Republican, Mormon, doesn’t think their son is different from anyone else.

[ CONCEPTION GONZALES ]
25, Nancy Elizabeth’s nanny, speaks Spanish all the time, pretends not to know English, hates her job.

[ MATTHEW ELIZABETH ]
41, Nancy’s father, high power executive, doesn’t spend much time at home, a pushover, very proud of and loves Nancy.

[ 3 LA GIRLS ]
21-26, Katherine O’Grady’s three roommates from LA.

[ TAXI DRIVER ]
Any age, Lauranne Sue Ellen’s taxi driver.

[ PHOTOGRAPHER ]
Any age, Katherine O’Grady’s photographer.

[ BARTENDER ]
(Any age)

[ EXTRAS ]
crowds members at fake competition 

Gabby is going to pull up her soap box again for a second to say that many, many years ago, I was taught by a brilliant teacher that an improvisor (or any actor, really) must play to the top of their intelligence, in order to be believable so the audience can care and be invested in their story. When a bunch of grown adult characters call their company 'POOP,' I immediately feel they are idiots and don't give a sh*t what happens to them.

Good luck.

I Can't Out-Do This Title

PA, 'Leaving Virginville'

White Lyte Productions is casting "Leaving Virginville," a coming-of-age independent feature film. Melissa XXXXX, writer-dir.

Shooting July-November 2013, mostly Fridays and Saturdays in Lehigh Valley & Philadelphia, PA and surrounding areas.

Project description: "The story of Faith, a girl who loses her father when she is eleven years old. When a suicide attempt after his funeral fails Faith is convinced that she has proved there is no God. The film picks up with Faith at eighteen and rebelling against her mother and Catholic school society. When Faith gets expelled from school her mother Christina suggests she go live with her cousin Phoebe in Philadelphia and try to find something in this life that will make her happy. When Faith gets to Philadelphia she discovers that the life she thought she wanted does not make her happy either. So she is left questioning who she truly is and what she believes."

Seeking—Faith: 18-20, a High school senior, tall, slender, black hair, dark eyes, rebellious, intelligent, jaded, topless nudity required for s strip club scene, and a scene where she is photographed after passing out. Phoebe: 21-25, Faith's older cousin, a cross between Edie Sedgwick, Zelda Fitzgerald and a suicide girl, a stripper and Bohemian princess, must have tattoos, piercings preferred, roll requires some topless nudity for strip club scenes, and simulated sex scene. Byron: 25-30, a Henry Rollins type, lead singer of the rock band "Rude Mechanicals", intelligent, artistic and manipulative, lives off his girlfriend Phoebe's income. Rich: 29-34, a talented photographer who's managed to find a balance between pursuing his art with the Bohemian types and making a living shooting family portraits. Christina: 35-40, Faith's mother, at the end of her rope with her rebellious daughter, loving, kind, patient (except for now - when she's at the end of her rope. Then she is short-tempered and ready to ship her kid off the Whoretown). Father Bezanson: 24-27, a young priest who connects with Faith, a forward thinker and attractive priest (ummm, what?). He understands that Faith is the only one who can make her life peaceful.

To apply, submit pix & resumes XXXXX.

No pay, but copy, credit & meals provided.

The town's name is Virginville? No towns are named Virginville. It would only attract two types of people: overprotective dads and creepy men.

And the girl's name is Faith? And her mother - who sends her to Catholic school - her name is Christina? This is all a little heavy-handed, dontcha think?

Or... perhaps Virginville does exist... somewhere near Pussy Valley, or... Beyond the Palisades??? (These two projects should get married.)

Let's Just Cut To The Chase...

BATTLE SEX (Yesss!)
Student Film
NYU Graduate Thesis Project
SAG Student Agreement available
Also seeking NON-UNION
NO PAY
copy, credit, and meals provided

Producer/Director: Isaac XXXXX
Casting Director: Isaac XXXXX
Interview Dates: September 1st - October 1st
Callback Dates: September 13th - October 1st
Shoot/Start Date: Late October / Early November
Location: New York

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY BY 9/25 TEL: 917-XXX-XXXX

There is nudity in this project.

NOTE: IF POSSIBLE, PLEASE SUBMIT ONLINE DEMO CLIPS ALONG WITH SUBMISSION.

Role:

[ LIEV ]
Late 20s to late 30s. A great soldier with a battle weary demeanor. He has lost too many people close to him and carries those scars both outside and within himself. Partial nudity required.

[ ZOE ]
20-30s. An ace pilot and lethal killing machine. She is responsible for turning the war in her people's favor. She's an adept killer who must rely on her sworn enemy to survive on the planet. Partial nudity required.

[ BROTHER JULIUS ]
40-50s, black, an elderly soldier and veteran of many wars. He's a military politician, calculating, and will do anything and sacrifice anyone to achieve his goals.

[ BROTHER CALLUS ]
60s, a battle cleric. His job is to whip the soldiers into a frenzy with fiery speeches before sending them to their deaths. He's the best at it.

[ TASHA ]
20-30s, black, Zoe's wing-woman in battle and best friend.

[ HOWLERS ]
(Extras, open to all ages, races, and genders) A cross between zombies and lepers, they are the survivors of nuclear blasts on what is left of Earth. They hunt in packs.

[ FIGHTER PILOTS ]
(Extras, open to all ages, races, and genders)

STORY LINE: In a post-apocalyptic future, man and woman are sworn enemies engaged in a space battle to destroy each other. When Liev and Zoe crash land on Earth they must rely on each other to survive, and in the process learn to love that which they hate, each other. (Love it!)

Nothing makes me feel more secure as an actor, than a student film set in the post-apocalyptic future (something that, say, might require a budget to pull off well), that requires nudity. For no pay. Except for maybe one with a violent sexual title.
...

If Boobs Could Kill

Hello! I'm giving a special cocktail-soaked shout-out to a group of lovely readers in our fair capital city, Washington DC! How are you? When a special friend (doesn't she look fab on her tiny skirted bathing suit?) told me you have been faithfully reading, I instantly sobered up thinking: "Poor dears! Gabby has been sidetracked with beach parties, and patio parties, and birthday parties..." But she hasn't forgot about you! Not one bit. So here's something to chew on (nothing fancy - just some good, old-fashioned get-naked-for-a-handshake good times) while I go make another pitcher of sangria, and have Giuseppe help dust the sand off my body. Cheers!

xxxooo
Gabs

* * * * *

KIM JONG KILL (Love it.)
Student Film
Columbia University Film MFA short film
NON-UNION
NO PAY

Director: Jim XXXXX
Producer: Ben XXXXX
Co-Producer: Jessica XXXXX
Casting Director: Jessica XXXXX
Interview Dates: March 27, 2011
Shoot Dates: May 13 - 16, 2011
Location: New York, NY

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY TEL: 347-XXX-XXXX

THERE IS NUDITY IN THIS PROJECT!

[ SUN ]
early 20s, Asian female, soft spoken, extremely sweet, but with the capacity to be a deadly killer. When Kim Jong Il falls into her lap she will do whatever it takes to kill him. Some nudity required.

[ SUMMER ]
20s, female, any ethnicity, beautiful, with a wild side. Loves to party and not to do what she’s told. She works as an exotic dancer because she enjoys the thrill of teasing men and NOT giving them what they want. Some nudity required.

[ CHIN-HWA ]
20s, 30s, or 40s, Asian male, tough guy. Always wears sunglasses so no one can ever see where he’s looking. If he’s speaking to you consider your life over.

It's OK, you guys. They're getting naked for a good cause - assassination. Nudity & murder are like the chocolate & peanut butter of the film world. Mmmm... so good. Which reminds me... Giuseppe...?

There you are.

Meanwhile, Back In...

PUSSY VALLEY (Niiiiice. I see where this is going...)
Non-Union Theatre
v/t: LARK PLAY DEVELOPMENT CENTER, NYC (Theatre space TBA)
DEVELOPMENTAL WORKSHOP
NON-UNION
Pay Rate: $500 flat

Playwright: Katori XXXXX
Director: Patricia XXXXX
Casting Director: Travis XXXXX
Audition Dates: May 8, 2011; May 9, 2011
Callback Dates: May 9, 2011
1st Rehearsal: May 23, 2011
Performance (Invited): June 3, 2011 only (Only 1 performance and it's invited only?)
Location: NYC

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY TEL: XXX-XXX-XXXX X5070

There is nudity in this project.

NOTE: This is a developmental workshop and not a fully staged production. WE ARE LOOKING FOR POLE DANCERS WHO CAN ACT OR ACTORS WHO HAVE POLE DANCING EXPERIENCE. (Who isn't?)

PLAY SYNOPSIS: Down in the Dirty South a quartet women are working hard for their money at the Pink Pony shake joint. AUTUMN NIGHT, MERCEDES, GET 'EM GIDGET, and MISS MISSISSIPPI all have dreams of taking their cash and flying far away from their gilded cage (their "cage" is "gilded"? At a strip joint?), but the current recession is hitting the Mississippi Delta hard and a group of right wing Christians may run them out of town. What will happen to these women whose only option is to shake it to survive? Despite the town's shrinking pockets and anonymous bomb threats, these women fight to take pole dancing to another level. To them pole dancing isn't just about exotic dancing. Pole dancing is an art form, the art of seduction, the art of war...

ROLES:

[ AUTUMN NIGHT ]
going through a quarter life crisis, an elementary school teacher who wants to explore her sexuality. While a little prudish, she's desperate to prove to herself and others that she has what it takes to own the Pink Pony pole dance world.

[ MERCEDES ]
a PK, Preacher's Kid, on the verge of retiring. A fan of reading National Geographic, her intelligence is only matched by her ferocious attitude and her incredible knowledge of the pole dance game. Though she tries to lock it inside a metal box, her gentle heart, at times, explodes out. (That is a terrible metaphor. Ew.)

[ GET 'EM GIDGET ]
the white girl, a 2nd generation pole dancer, has 'love' and 'pain' tattooed across her knuckles. The top white girl in a black establishment, Gidget has no trouble running with the best of them. Even if she's reigning queen of the Pink Pony, she's still retaining her southern ol' Miss charm.

[ MISS MISSISSIPPI ]
three children and a man that beats her, pole dancing isn't a choice, it's the only choice. (I think you mean option - it's not a choice, it's the only option...) You gotta be tough as nails to do what Miss Mississippi do and she does it well. Desperate to get out of the pole dancing game and on to bigger and better things, she'll do anything.

AUDITION NOTE: AUDITIONS WILL BE HELD AT NYLA'S STUDIO OF HARLEM. PLEASE BE PREPARED TO PRESENT A 2-5 MINUTE MONOLOGUE, A 2-5 MINUTE POLE DANCE ROUTINE, AND READ AN AUDITION SIDE. WHILE THERE IS NUDITY IN THE PROJECT, NO NUDITY WILL BE REQUIRED AT THE AUDITIONS.

A 2-5 minute monologue AND pole dance routine? Yowser.

This could be fun though. Obviously the recession has driven play producers to cleverly mix blatant sexual exploitation with "art." I wish them luck.
...

That Is The Question

IS NUDITY REQUIRED?

Live Project NON-UNION
Producer: Turk XXXXX
Writer: Steve XXXXX
Casting Associate: Bobby XXXXX
Casting Director: Turk XXXXX
Interview Dates: TBD Shoot/Start Date: 3/10/2010
Pay Rate: Credit
Location: West Adams district of Los Angeles

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY NOTE: ALSO INCLUDE PERFORMANCE VIDEOS OR ACTOR SLATES IF AVAILABLE. DO NOT SEND DEMO TAPES.

[ FRITZ ] - M 30s, husky producer
[ HOWIE ] - M 30s, skinny writer
[ MOFO ] M, poster boy mafia
[ MUFFIN ] F, hot young girlfriend (With a name like Muffin... I just can't.)
[ CORKY ] M, nerdy casting director
[ JUDY & CONNIE ] F, nerdy sisters
[ PRINCESS ] F, hot stcked blonde
[ BARBARA ] F, cold hearted bitch golddigger actress
[ SAMSON ] M, gay actor
[ GENEVIEVE ] F, fake French atrist
[ JAKE ] M, artist's model
[ ROBERTA ] F, punk pierced tatted (Are we to assume you mean tattooed?)
[ CHRISSY ] F, nerd a la Tomlin
[ DON ] M, surfer dude
[ TONY ] M, lug nut
[ PEACHES ] F, porn credits (?)
[ APRIL & MAY ] F, blonde bombshells
[ CRAIG ] M, wannabe
[ BETH ] F, wannabe

Story: Two idiots putting on a T&A play in Hollywood. (Their words - not mine!) This show is 6 scenes of 2-4 actors in audition or rehearsal for the T&A play that Fritz and Howie are putting on. Funny!

Ah, yes... art imitating life. But the question remains... is nudity required for this project??? .??
.....

Casting: Roles That Have Already Been Cast

HAPPY 200TH ENTRY Nudity Required, No Pay readers! Thanks to all you lovelies out there who need a good laugh. But thanks even more to all you nutters who are busy writing scripts for a sci-fi/fantasy/historical/thriller/horror feature, which will shoot with no budget, after the cast drives themselves to the backwoods of Pennsylvania, to run through the woods naked, doing their own stunts. Your optimism is refreshing and I wish you the best! Keep the ads coming...

Yours forever truly,

Gabby

* * *
Dear Clients,

There is only a few more emailing going out like this if your not on the Database then you wont know about this stuff anymore any questions Email me

Casting Call for "Lost In Amsterdam" 7/17
LOCATION: XXXXX: 8th ave between XXXXX suite 506
12- 6pm
John XXXXX Casting
Director: Franklyn of Cypher
Producer: Mathew XXXXX
PRODUCERS: Cypher Productions, LLC

(Sides will be provided by you can have a monologue prepared) What?

Character breakdown

DOC: Artsy and tough Brooklyn transplant who runs an Urban Arts Course in Amsterdam and befriends Fynx. Cast: Courtney XXXXX

FYNX: 26 year old party promoter and artist who lives at home with her parents. Is striving to become her own person in the eyes of the people around her. She has great talents with in her but is shy to show it. Cast: Rachel XXXXX

HUMPHREY: Tall, Thin, homeless man who befriends Butterfly Jones and helps the crew from Brooklyn. Age 35-50. Uncast

KRYSTA: 30 year old club promoter and manager at a strip club who wonders how her life got out of control. She is still hanging out with and throwing parties with her high school friends and is at the end of her rope. Krysta is reevaluating everything in her life and trying to figure out who really belongs in it. Cast: Janet XXXXX

ROSCO: Albert's childhood friend and now right hand man. Slow and dim whited (Whited? *sigh*) but loyal to a fault. Rosco is deathly afraid of Little People and believes and old wive's tale about them stealing his knees. Cast: Brimstone (As in "Fire and-"?)

SALLY DOGS: Angelo has risen to the head of his crime family by only trusting one man. Sally Dogs. A distinguished man in his late 50's early 60's.. When Albert and Rosco try to go to Amsterdam to continue the scheme, Sally is there to keep an eye on them. Sally hasn't decided if he's in Amsterdam to catch Dion and his friends or to put Albert in his place for good. Cast: Ronnie The Rottweiler (At first I was like, "Oh no - is this another "Cats & Dogs" movie? But I think this might be an actual human...? It's like reading a casting notice from another planet...)

TIFFANI: Is the 30-35 year old business assistant and friend of VIctoria. Tiffany runs the business while Victoria Shines her great smile. Tiffani cares for Victoria but thinks she's too risky when it comes to the business. Cast: Carrissa XXXXX

VICTORIA: Smart and sexy socialite that catches Dion's eye. She is the heiress of a New York Architectural fortune. Although very much about having fun and living the moment, she has a deep core that does what she does for the memory of her departed brother. Cast: Lauren XXXXX

[ANGRY STRIP CLUB BOYS 1-3]: frat boy type mid 20's. Uncast

ANGRY STRIP CLUB BOYFRIEND: Cast: James XXXXX

ANGRY STRIP CLUB GIRL FRIEND: mid 20's. Uncast

WOMAN IN WINDOW: mid 20's. Uncast

AIRPORT SECURITY: Loud Black Woman in her 30's-40's. Uncast

YOUNGER ANGELO: Thin good looking man in his late 30's must look like a young. Uncast

YOUNG DION: 6-9 year old young black kid, must look like Dion. Uncast

ANGELO: Distinguished Italian crime boss, 60's-70's wants only to be on vacation but Dion and Albert won't leave him alone. Cast: Steve XXXXX

DIANE: Loud overbearing mother, who cares too much .40's. Cast: Rose XXXXX

DIGEO RIVERA: late 30's early 40's, Italian mobster. Simple spoken. Uncast (Ummm... Italian? Are you positive?)

DOUGLAS: Strong, young Black man age 30's. Uncast

CINDY: Young college aged girl who is Fynx's younger friend. Cast: Cheryl XXXXX

FANTASIA: Brash stripper, funny and confident. age 20's. Uncast

HELGA: Age 30's dutch cleaning lady with comic timing. Uncast

LOKI DA TRIXTA: Cast: Cameo Brooklyn Hip-Hop Artist

MIKE SPICE: Early 30's black or Hispanic hip hop producer. Uncast

MRS. RUSSO: Older Italian Neighborhood woman age 60-70. Uncast

SAGA ONE: Cast: Cameo Brooklyn Hip-Hop Artist

UNCLE WOODROW: Older Jive talking Black man age 70-80. Cast: Melvin Van XXXXX (ha)

VICTOR RIVERA: early 40's Italian Cultured half of the Rivera Mobster Brothers. Cast: Dominic XXXXX Jr.

ANGELO'S BUTLER: older quiet man. 70's-80's. Uncast

OLAF: Sexually Ambiguous Dutch Bellhop Age late 30's-40. Cast: Bristol XXXXX

LITTLE MAN 1: Cast: Billy XXXXX

LITTLE MAN 2: Cast: Neo

[LITTLE MEN 3-7]: Little person who is sick of being called names and has decided to kick butt. Uncast

SIR FITZGERALD YATES: Short, fat balding dirty little man, Age 40-60 who runs a brothel and mistakes Krysta as a new applicant. Uncast

STRIPER 2: mid 20's. Uncast (Oh cool - like candy stripers? Or did you forget a letter? I have a feeling you forgot a letter...)

STRIPER 3: mid 20's. Uncast

JOE FRANKLIN: himself

BUTTERFLY'S GRANDFATHER: Caucasian age 60-70. Uncast (I see a Sally Dog, a Saga One, a Fantasia and a couple of "stripers"... but who the hell is Butterfly?)

BUTTERFLY'S GRANDMOTHER: Caucasian age 60-70. Uncast
--
FRANKLYN of CYPHER Films
...

You'd Think Officer Giver Would Have Changed Her Name Upon Entering Junior High

Date: Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Time: 2:00pm - 6:00pm
Location: Purdy Lounge 1811 XXXXX Drive, Miami Beach FL 33139

Description:
Casting call for all local Actors/Actresses for the new age comedy movie MIAMI HOUND DOGS. THE PLOT Cairo, Xavier and D'andre, three modern day casanovas known for whipping it up with the ladies. Miami is their playground and the weekends are when the games begin. Their weekend itinerary consist of the typical trifecta of beaches, parties and most importantly girls. But, this particular weekend doesn't go as planned. The guys meet some out of towners who challenge their hounddogging abilities. Xavier ends up in jail, Cairo accidentally drugs some girls (Oops!) and D'andre just can't seem to get any loving. The weekend seems to be a complete bust. Just when things can't get any worse, these series of misfortunes cause them to question their friendship. As the Hound Dogs attempt to go their separate ways D'andre realizes that life isn't any fun without his friends. Can he persuade the other two to put their differences aside and mend their friendship.

CHARACTER OUTLINE:
BJ Giver- Police officer with emotional issues (I wonder why.) who is always looking for Mr Right, but always ends up with Mr right now; Lisa- Typical gold digger who pretends to not be. She knows exactly what she wants from a man (You make these sound like bad qualities, when, compared to her male counterparts who "hound dog" women and "accidentally drug" them, she seems like an angel.); Linda - Professional business woman with a wild side and she can't wait to unleash it when she arrives to Miami; Pete - Pervert in every way and he is looking to get laid by any means necessary; Rachael- Timid and reserved woman whose idea of a good time is going to a museum and view ancient artifacts; Abcde - Country out of towner who really has no idea about big city living; Fernando- Creepy gentleman who is not comfortable in any situation; Hector- Typical south beach socialite whose idea of having a good time is being seen spending money. And more characters to be cast for. For more info feel free to email me at XXXXX.com

• Salary/Wage: open
• Location: Miami
... ...

Say It Again, Sam

Now casting: Lead female role in upcoming spy thriller (NJ)
Date: 2010-02-09, 10:20AM EST
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Director: XXXXX Duncan. This spy thriller espionage film turns the roles of dominance and submission on it's end as two leading lady protagonists battle it out for sole supremacy (of...?)

The character of 'Benji' (like the dog? Not very sexy) has a meek and mild appearance but wait until she is thrust into a life and death situation. Then how will she react? (I'm guessing she reacts by getting naked. Am I right???) The character of 'Andrea', while by all appearances, a sultry beauty, has a dark side that can be lethal (I wouldn't think being sultry & beautiful would seem to exclude being dark & lethal. Perhaps you may want to reconsider this little character "twist".)

Note: All roles in this film involve some nudity and intimate sensuality

* Location: NJ
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $250/hr (Not bad except I have a feeling this shoot will probably only take an hour)

I love all the redundancy in this ad: "spy thriller espionage film", and "leading lady protagonists", but am mostly confused by how any battle for supremacy can take place when one party is dominant and the other submissive? Isn't that the point of submitting?

Well, what do I know - maybe that's the whole crazy turn-it-on-its-head part. I guess I'll just leave the clever, naked & sex-filled movie making to the pros. The pros who advertise on Craigslist.
...

They're Right - Not Being In It Will Probably Do Wonders For My Career.

KILL DATE: 12/18.2009 (Maybe we should put it out of its misery now?)

JOB TITLE: Casting Call For Play

ORGANIZATION: The pinkhandbag Casting

UNION: Non-union

LISTING: We are now casting for the play the vampire with the pink handbag (First they sparkle. Now they carry kicky accessories? What's next?), we are looking for talented people. We are seeking actors who are available at least 2-3 times a week for rehearsal, during the months of January and February. There are straight roles in this play and there are also gay roles (I see: sparkles>handbags>salon school...). The gay roles do no have any physical scenes at all (Then is that even technically a 'role'?). The play can help to promote your acting career (Even If I'm not actually in it?). This is a no pay role but you will gain experience and exposure (But wait - if I'm not even "physically" in the show... then how...?). Lead characters will be featured in all advertisements, this role can open doors for you. Send clear photos and also credentials, anything that you think is relevant to XXXXX.com

I am so confused!

State Your Name And Ethnicity, Please.

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Actor Reads Casting Notices... Actor Gets Annoyed.

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How much You Want To Bet The Director Casts Himself As The Lead?

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High Art Jersey Style

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Ummm... Ew?

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Pixies, Fairies, Sprites, Leprechauns, Genies, And Now...

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Sounds Riveting

"EBONY DAWN MOMENTS"
The Thespian Project is seeking: Many roles for apilot program for a cable television series, "EbonyDawn Moments." The first five stories will be filmed with little dialogue but intense emotions—therefore, you must have exceptional facial expressions and goodbodily gestures. One episode includes brief suggested nudity (bath tub scene). Seeking: males and females,all types, ages, and ethnicities. Shooting inmid-July. No pay, but opportunity for exposure. Video,CD, or DVD copies are provided. Send pix & resumes toThe Thespian Project, PO Box XXXXX, NJ XXXXX.

Ok, I hate to say this, I really do, but I know you are ALL thinking it: "Ebony Dawn Moments"? Should we all grab a section of the Times before watching this film?

Isn't That The Stuff Old Ladies Use For Arthritis?

Alleycat Films is casting an independent film "Hot Ice." Shooting begins in July. Seeking: three beautiful seductive females, must look 25, stripper-type bodies, strong acting ability. Principal roles. Nudity required, T&A only. No pay, but videocopy, meals, and transportation provided. Video distribution is already guaranteed. Send pix & resumesto Alleycat Films, PO Box XXXXX, Brooklyn, NY 11233, c/o John XXXXX, dir. NON-SAG PERFORMERS.

Do they mean skanky, living-in-a-trailer-park-and-smoking-menthols-and-just-had-my-fourth-kid "stripper type" bodies, or the unrealistic, this-is-what-people-who-have-never-been-to-a-strip-club-think-that-strippers-actually-look-like, "stripper type" bodies?