Tuesday, May 18, 2010

You'd Think Officer Giver Would Have Changed Her Name Upon Entering Junior High

Date: Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Time: 2:00pm - 6:00pm

Location: Purdy Lounge 1811
XXXXX Drive, Miami Beach FL 33139

Casting call for all local Actors/Actresses for the new age comedy movie MIAMI HOUND DOGS. THE PLOT Cairo, Xavier and D'andre, three modern day casanovas known for whipping it up with the ladies. Miami is their playground and the weekends are when the games begin. Their weekend itinerary consist of the typical trifecta of beaches, parties and most importantly girls. But, this particular weekend doesn't go as planned. The guys meet some out of towners who challenge their hounddogging abilities. Xavier ends up in jail, Cairo accidentally drugs some girls (Oops!) and D'andre just can't seem to get any loving. The weekend seems to be a complete bust. Just when things can't get any worse, these series of misfortunes cause them to question their friendship. As the Hound Dogs attempt to go their separate ways D'andre realizes that life isn't any fun without his friends. Can he persuade the other two to put their differences aside and mend their friendship.

BJ Giver- Police officer with emotional issues (I wonder why.) who is always looking for Mr Right, but always ends up with Mr right now; Lisa- Typical gold digger who pretends to not be. She knows exactly what she wants from a man (You make these sound like bad qualities, when, compared to her male counterparts who "hound dog" women and "accidentally drug" them, she seems like an angel.); Linda - Professional business woman with a wild side and she can't wait to unleash it when she arrives to Miami; Pete - Pervert in every way and he is looking to get laid by any means necessary; Rachael- Timid and reserved woman whose idea of a good time is going to a museum and view ancient artifacts; Abcde - Country out of towner who really has no idea about big city living; Fernando- Creepy gentleman who is not comfortable in any situation; Hector- Typical south beach socialite whose idea of having a good time is being seen spending money. And more characters to be cast for. For more info feel free to email me at XXXXX.com

Salary/Wage: open
• Location: Miami
... ...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

It Must Be Working Because I Am Getting Sleepy... Or Maybe Just Cranky.


Snodgrass Publishing Group (prod.) is casting The Hypnotic Homewrecker, an Internet viral video with "PG-13" type content. Ray XXXXX, casting. Preproduction Summer 2010, for completion by the end of 2010.

Seeking—Hypnotic Homewrecker: female, 18-29, brilliant, sexy, edgy, uses mind control and hypnosis to enslave men and break up their marriages or relationships just because she can. The producer states: "Experience with hypnosis is not required, but talent for hypnosis (we can detect it [Oooooh, freaky]) is. Actress will be trained in hypnosis to play the part of an insane yoga instructor." (Oooooh, scary. Like, for real.)

Email pix & résumés to XXXXX.com. For more info, visit www.XXXXX.XXX. Note: This website contain links and other materials that may be deemed offensive by some readers; not appropriate for minors. Pay, plus credit and meals provided.

Additional Details from the Producer:

"This is a 'breakthrough' opportunity for an actress looking to make a name for herself, both with the public and with the powerful people who run this industry. Hypnosis is the 'next big thing' in entertainment (Clearly - all the creepy producers are doing it. To wit: this previous entry), and it needs a sexy, pioneering face to front its entry into the public (sub)consciousness. This project is designed to catch the attention of 'A-list' talent and producers (And if it doesn't? Can't you just hypnotize them to that end? Or is that unethical?), who will see the blueprint for the new genre, and want to cash in themselves. Socially, there will come a day when a female celebrity uses this type of hypnosis to steal men from other female celebrities -- or, if it's already been done, it'll be picked up by the media." (Naturally. Who wouldn't pay to see people bamboozled by shallow, hypnotic bimbos? This is like a slutty, soul-less Scooby Doo cartoon... only less fun, less innocent & less worth watching.)

To the public's credit - these ads have been removed & flagged from various sites. Note to the 'producers' of these 'breakthrough' opportunities: If the same public that willingly watches Jerry Springer, Flavor of Love, Farmer Wants a Wife, The Littlest Groom, and Armed & Famous has railed against your project... then you have major issues. Get your head fixed.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Seeking Video Vixens With Piles To 'Were' G-Strings.

Date: 2010-05-03, 8:35AM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

best of craigslist (Someone's cocky)

MUSIC VIDEO WITH PLIES (I keep reading that name [is that a name?] as "Piles") COMING UP NEED GIRLS BE THE NEXT VIDEO VIXEN (NYC )

Transportation can be provided (but will it be?) for all women if needed


Check out the rap guys at PINKELEPHANT69.WEBS.COM

Between the ages of 18-45. (45? Really? I will cut you some slack for liking older ladies. Very mature of you, gentlemen.)


- You must be NICE SHAPE
- You must be RESPECTFUL.
- You must be DEPENDABLE.
- You must be ABLE TO WERE THONG OR G STRING (Merely able to? Anyone with a butt is able to - perhaps you mean *willing to*? Or *able to wear [not "were"] well*?)

* To apply: email at least 2 pics (1 face 1 body), and a contact number *

Location: nyc
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $$$$