Sounds Not-Fun

REALITY TV & DOCUMENTARY

NONUNION

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Stuart XXXXX Casting

Stuart XXXXX, casting dir. CEO

PRODUCTION DESCRIPTION

Seeking females for a job on "Project R," a reality show. Casting director states: "This position requires that these females be exclusively devoted to their employer, however, this is not an escort position. They will not flirt or lead another person on or suggest or engage in any inappropriate behavior. They will be an extension of the employer's image. While utilizing gorgeous, talented, and smart females as part of his inner circle, the employer's image will ultimately be as it always has been and what it is: an honest, successful engaging person who everyone wants to do business with. These females do not define the employer in any way, rather they are a 'branding' tool. Applicants must possess personality and an ability to fit in with the other female employees and be part of the team, working together to enhance their employer's image as directed at all times. Additional responsibilities include hostessing dinner parties and charitable events, accompanying their employer in public at all times to dinners, events etc. College degrees and work experience in 'high end' social concierge areas are a plus. Seeking independent, well-spoken, trustworthy, and highly motivated females who want to develop their careers to the next level. Positive training in all key areas will be provided, as well as opportunities to expand and elevate themselves within other business areas, including merger & acquisition areas, global financing, deal making, independent film financing, and other areas of production."

What???

REHEARSAL AND PRODUCTION DATES & LOCATIONS

Shoot dates & location TBD.

COMPENSATION & UNION CONTRACT DETAILS

After passing a 90-day trial period, an official position will be offered which will exceed an average $150,000/yr., plus all living, travel and wardrobe expenses. They will travel with their employer on his personal jet, yachts, and various other modes of transportation. Wardrobe, hair, spa, nails, etc. will be provided.

WHAT? And you said there's no sex, right? Right???

SEEKING TALENT

Female: (Lead) to work with a very high-powered businessman and become part of his branding within the world of the wealthy and powerful, will work among a who’s who among many fields; seeking beautiful, hot, fit, classy, smart, high-end model types who love living life to the fullest, must enjoy travel, strong worth ethic, able to work full time (long days and weeks). Casting personnel state: "These females will be screened not only for their beauty, sexiness, class, social skills, etc.; they must also have qualifications to be a personal assistant." 

AUDITIONS

Seeking submissions nationwide/worldwide

AUDITION & SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS

Note: Talent must be able to provide their own transportation to audition in Los Angeles. Talent must be totally unattached (i.e. single, no boyfriends or kids). Talent must be willing to travel and live at employer's homes/mansions and be extremely reliable. ("We didn't hire you to be a 'person' with friends and family! We hired you to be a 'thing' - MY 'thing'!")

Just Your Typical Music, Radio, TV & Erotic Entertainment Producer Opportunity

Producer-Filmmaker Seeking Female Entrepreneur Partner (NYC/LI/NNJ)

INTELLIGENT FEMALE REPLIES ONLY.......READ THIS CAREFULLY BEFORE RESPONDING~!!!!!

Filmmaker/Producer in both Film & Music industries looking for woman to be partner in a VERY lucrative enterprise in NYC/NNJ areas ONLY. My former partner moved out of country for health reasons. (Oh boy...)

I am one of the EXTREMELY rare producers who can deliver high-end content for both the video/film & music industries. (So says you.)

In VIDEO/FILM: I have shot/edited PRO music videos, feature legit films/docs & erotic films. (And... there it is.)

In MUSIC: I have many years experience producing mostly female music talent with TOP major label contacts, as well as producing soundtracks for docs & pro Erotic films. I am also a professional working musician/FM radio DJ.

YOU HAVE: Either access to female talent (for modeling, singing, acting, hosting, web cam, etc.), or you have an Erotic website business (videos, webcam, etc....)

SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY BY FEMALE RECORDING STUDIO/MEDIA FACILITY OWNERS OR ENTREPRENEURIAL FEMALES IN THE EROTIC/MUSIC INDUSTRY

* Location: NYC/LI/NNJ
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: Adult & Music Industry as well as Major Cable company High End contacts 

And you're only looking for females because...?

Makes Total Sense.

model / actress wanted (NYC)

Date: 2012-07-02, 11:37PM EDT

Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Sensual model/actress wanted for behind-the-scene video production. This is an academic industrial project that does involve Nudity so please be advised.

The project's pay scale is $3000 with a 3-day shooting schedule. Ideal candidate will have a background in glamour, bikini, figure or fitness modeling in conjunction with some acting abilities. (i.e. reading from a script, taking direction and executing precise blocking).

To apply for this project you must be a female age 18 to 36 and in great physical shape. This is a contract project with many installments in the series.

Also include your acting and modeling resume if you have one. Do not leave out any of the requested information. Only serious inquiries will receive a reply.

MUST SEND

Email me with your photos, phone no & facebook or talent link

*Location: NYC

*it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

*Compensation: TBD

I like how this "sensual model/actress" "in great physical shape" "with some acting ability" is needed for "behind-the-scene" work, which - for some reason - involves Nudity (with a capital N). I have a feeling the "precise blocking" she will be executing will be very "hands-on."

...

Sketchy Much?

It's been a while. I can offer excuses and apologies... but instead, I offer this:

Teen Talent Search (Greenwich Village)
Date: 2012-07-02, 10:38PM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Great Pay !!! The Summer Is here and I am looking for Teen models to model for upcoming party events. I'm looking for photogenic female models, age 14 and up to be photographed.No experience necessary! Now that the weather is getting nice let's do an outdoor shoot in the park or around town. Actors, dancers, artists, musicians, circus performers, or models. Here is my party link: XXXXX.php

This is for party events and your photos do not have to show your face, but we do want to make sure that your photos are appealing.You get high res photos from the shoot, usually around 100 piC. I am willing to pay $200 for your time.Send me a picture if you are interested! And let me know when you are free. I will only reply to good matches. Thanks in advance and make sure that you let me know when you are available.
 

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

* Compensation: paid

...

Girls, Girls, Girls

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What? Whaaat?? WHAT???

ACTRESS
Date: 2011-01-10, 10:49PM EST
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Major Network TV Senior Casting Director, in charge of casting for new television shows, seeks attractive female actresses or models that are in search of starring or supporting roles upon the successful completion of a "casting couch" interview. You MUST CONFIRM your that you understand the meaning of the "casting couch" interviewing process with me (otherwise no reply). Please send a face and full body photo, and CONTACT PHONE NUMBER with your email marked "NBC TV." All appointments will be scheduled via telephone. I look forward to your submissions.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $2000 to $5000 per episode

Well, at least you don't have to do an awkward monologue audition. *Whew*
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DANGER: Falling Apples

You may or may not have seen the recent headline: Nick Brooks Charged In Murder Of His Swimsuit Designer Girlfriend Sylvie Cachay. Domestic violence (allegedly [I guess at this stage we must give him the benefit of the doubt]) is terrible enough, but this whole thing is just plain grosser when you consider that Nick Brooks is the son of the now infamous king of the casting couch, Joseph Brooks.

An Oscar-winning composer [Joseph Brooks] faces multiple rape charges after allegedly using the award and the allure of movie stardom to tempt young women to his casting couch…Mr Brooks, who wrote and directed the 1977 film You Light Up My Life, about a comedian who has a one-night stand with a director and which won an Oscar for Best Song, faces up to 25 years in jail if convicted of first-degree rape…Prosecutors allege that Mr Brooks posted adverts on the internet site Craigslist in which he offered to turn young women into film stars.

The adverts said that an “Oscar Award-winning composer” was searching for a “new face” — a beautiful “young girl between 18 to 22”. “He intimidated them. They were frightened and suddenly found themselves in his apartment for different purposes than they had anticipated," Robert Morgenthau, the Manhattan district attorney, said.

And you know what's really scary, is his credentials are REAL. So even if you did your research, it would seem above-board. But read on (full article here)...

Most of the women targeted came from Washington state and Oregon in America’s Pacific northwest, and would have been tired by the time that they arrived to meet Mr Brooks at his flat on East 63rd Street in New York.

Once the women were inside, Mr Brooks allegedly told them to audition for the role of a prostitute in a scene that required them to drink a lot of wine.

“The part called for them to drink the wine in a seductive manner. He told them to be very comfortable with their bodies, to drink the wine and feel sexy about themselves as they became more and more intoxicated," Adam Lamboy, of the Manhattan Special Victims Squad, said.

That takes a lot of forethought, help, and deceit on his end, to be sure. So it's understandable that a girl might initially feel comfortable enough to make the cross-country trek. BUT BE FOREVER WARNED about auditions in anyone's home or apartment. Sometimes they're legit, but always be safe: request to meet at a different location, bring a friend, tell someone where you are going, and leave as soon as anything gets fishy.

All this serves to remind us, dear readers and fellow actors, that we must always be vigilant. Acting is a job, just like any other. It's not worth risking your health or your safety for.

And, should anything bad go down (god forbid), then by all means REPORT IT. To the authorities or even just to whoever hosted the casting notice. Don't let one unfortunate incident snowball to dozens. Help a gal out.

Gabby always says: 'Tis better to be alive and out of work, than to be dead or raped. Now... go forth and be awesome.
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This Gives Me An Idea...

Young female for modeling (Lower Westchester, NY)
Date: 2010-09-08, 7:36PM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I am going to be simple and straight forward (Uh oh, this is going to be good) about this ad because it seems that many "modeling" gigs on here are nonsense and usually live up to the expectations of the person in need of a gig.

I need a young female (18-23) who is white (not being racial but it needs to fit the nature of our ad campaign and lives in lower Westchester county. I think there might be some "non-whites" in "lower Westchester county" as well, so perhaps you are being racial, er, something.

The nature of this gig is NEVER going to involve you being fully nude just in underwear and a bra. We will have written contracts etc.. that will not be breached. We will provide you panties to wear and then re-collect them because we have a network of highly affluent individuals who buy used panties due to a fetish they have. Your head will NEVER be shown in the photos only your lower body of you in the panties. Serious $$ potential.

Serious inquiries only. Photo please in email along with a little bit about yourself.

* Location: Lower Westchester, NY
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

This no-nonsense "modeling gig" did not live up to my expectations, either. Or, it did - just not in the way they vaguely promised.

And if you want to be straight-forward, just try something like: "Seeking young women to wear underwear that will then be sold to dirty old men. Pay per pair of panties." And are they paying or what?

Oh well, I'll just file this one under my brand-new category: Things Your Mother Warned You About.
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