Friday, March 23, 2007

The "D" Is For Demon!

‘STD (SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DEMON)‘
Heart of David Pictures, Inc. is casting STD (Sexually Transmitted Demon), a DV dramatic short about a young virgin woman who loses her faith and takes a wrong turn in her quest for companionship (Whatever do they mean, I wonder?). Project is of a sexual nature, but no nudity is involved. Three days of shooting begin April 20. Shauntay XXXXX, dir.-exec-prod. Seeking—Tyran Bryant: early-to-late 20s, outgoing, attractive, works in promotions, LEAD; Trina Belvitt: early-to-late 20s, conservative dress, religious, outspoken, LEAD; Males and Females: various day-players. Auditions will be held by appt. only March 31. Time and location will be provided after initial inquiry. For an appointment, email XXXXX.com. Prepare a short dramatic monologue, and be ready to cold read. For more info, go to www.myspace.com/heartofdavidpictures. No pay, but copy, credit, and meals provided.

At first I thought this was going to be some quirky film where this woman dates the wrong guy and winds up with like, this little fuzzy Muppet-like "demon" that follows her around all day and night making wise-cracks about her weight and dead-end career and choices in men. Which could be funny. But then I read the ad again... and now I'm scared. I feel like I need to counteract the future effects of this film by saying here and now that: No, you cannot contract Satan by having Sex. Satan has nothing to do with sex. So you're safe as long as you're responsible. So go enjoy yourselves.

Telling It Like It Is

‘PAUL BUNYAN AND OTHER TALL TALES,‘ ME
The Theater at Monmouth is casting the touring production of Paul Bunyan and Other Tall Tales, touring throughout Maine and performing for school children at Cumston Hall, the theatre’s home. Some workshops are taught in addition to performing. Jerri XXXXX, dir.; David XXXXX, playwright-prod. dir. The contract runs from April 18-June 1 and includes a four-week tour throughout Maine and two weeks of performances at Cumston Hall.S eeking—Two Actors: male or female. Note: Producers are seeking creative and energetic individuals who work collaboratively and are excited by working on original material. Actors, singers, and musicians, especially acoustic guitar or fiddle players are encouraged to apply. Performers of all ethnicities are encouraged to apply. No divas or jackasses. Auditions will be held at the end of March in NYC. Email pix & resumes to XXXXX.org. Housing, some meals, and transportation provided. $250/wk.
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Now I'm Just Being Picky.

‘THE FILE ON RYAN CARTER’
The Entertainment Agora is casting The File on Ryan Carter, about the unlikely and explosive friendship of a college athlete and a political activist beginning in the late 1930s and following it through the HUAC investigation of Hollywood in the late 1940s. David XXXXX, dir.; Bruce XXXXX, prod. mgr. Rehearsals begin late April; performs late May-early July.Seeking—Jewish Political Activist: intense, radical, playwright, later screenwriter; Midwestern College Athlete: sexually compulsive, corn fed, later a radio performer and film actor. Note: Both roles require full nudity and stimulated sexual activity. Send pix & résumés to XXXXX, 10003; or email XXXXX.com. Pay for both rehearsals and performances.

Ok, they want full nudity but they are paying. The notice reads well, except... is the activist male or female? I assumed male since it says "unlikely and explosive", so I just assumed that means "homoerotic" in some way. But then I was like, "Gabby, don't rush to judgment..." so I scrolled to the bottom and sure enough it read "Seeking: males".

So I feel inclined to tell David and Bruce, that just for the record, women can be political activists/playwrights/screenwriters, too, you know. Not just men.

Harumph.
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