Monday, April 25, 2011

Oh The Horror! It's The Same Old Routine: Get Naked & Die (For No Pay)

Feature Film

Producer: Slaughtered Heart Productions, Lauren XXXXX, Anne XXXXX
Director: Travis XXXXX
Writer: Lauren XXXXX
Casting Director: Anne XXXXX
Interview Dates: February/March 2011
Callback Dates: March 2011
1st Rehearsal: March 2011
Shoot Dates: Late April-Early May 2011
Location: New York City



Slaughtered Heart Productions is casting Slaughter Daughter, a micro-budget HD feature heavily influenced by the style of 1970s Italian horror films. All characters mentioned below will be murdered during the course of the film. (Good to know.)


LEAD. Late 30s-40s, Caucasian, partial nudity required, lesbian kissing required. A Marilyn Monroe type who loves living extravagantly. She's loud, boisterous, and the center of the party. She's also self-centered and can be cold and sarcastic to those closest to her.

30s-40s, of Middle-eastern descent, has an Arabic or British accent, lesbian kissing required. The Jackie to Phyllis' Marilyn. She's calm, demure, and classy.

early 20s, can play Middle-Eastern, full nudity required. He's a hypochondriac who's scared of dying. He has problems being confident and asserting his manhood in his female-dominated family.

20s-40s, ethnic, must be able to speak a foreign language. She sees all and hears all in the household. Instead of showing her own personality, she tries to blend into the wallpaper and not be noticed.

40-60s, stage fighting required. Willard is an arrogant billionaire CEO who loves and weds Phyllis. He likes to be in charge and is used to getting his own way.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Featuring: An Opportunity To Feature Your Best Feature

***Ladies - opportunity to be featured on new website*** (Midtown)
Date: 2011-04-05, 11:33AM EDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

Ladies, here is an opportunity to promote yourself by getting featured on a new web site.

This is an opportunity to be featured on a website featuring the best asses around. (Please stop saying "feature.") We will be willing to attach booking info and or links to facebook, myspace, blogs/sites, and twitter.

If you have a nice ass this is your chance to show it off!!!! (Right? Because you can't show off your butt just any old time! You know, like, just by walking down the street wearing tight clothes. No siree. You need a bunch of creepy guys with a computer to manage your butt-showing-off career. That's just how it's done.)

If you are shy and are not looking to get your name out there but still are interested in being featured we will do anonymous pics. Just make sure to specify in the email that you want your information kept private. (If you're shy then why are you showing your butt online anyway? Showing one's butt online is a very un-shy thing to do.)

Photoshoots can be arranged, but a picture is necessary to get an appointment scheduled.

Respond to this post with pictures and contact info.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

No pay? Now who's an ass...

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

"I Love Painting And You Love Acting So We Should Probably Just Make Out."

☞Audition: Independent film producer casting for two females (Williamsburg/Greenpoint, Brooklyn, NY)
Date: 2011-04-05, 11:38AM EDT
Reply [Errors when replying to ads?]

Sunday Audition for a TFV independent film : Petra is a gorgeous Russian girl who just arrived in the City and responds to an ad for a roommate placed by Susan, a painter who is street smart and has been living in the City for years with a string of broken relationships that left her skeptical about finding true love. Petra is naive with a charming Eastern European accent who decided to come to America dreaming of becoming a famous actress. When she shows up at Susan's apartment, Susan is taken back by her beauty, femininity, freshness and charm. Petra moves in and sparks fly when their passion for the arts lead them to a forbidden relationship and Susan discovers real love for the first time.("Their passion for the arts lead them to a forbidden relationship"? That is, probably - literally - the gayest thing I have ever read.) Things get complicated when Sergei, Petra's boyfriend arrives from Russia and finds out about Petra's new interest. ("Complicated"... or just plain sexxxier?) We are running on camera reading and rehearsals tomorrow Sunday from 12 noon to 9 p.m. No experience is required, will train bright beginners or amateurs with a passion for acting. No union actors. Please reply with a couple of pictures, info about you and a contact number and tell us what role you prefer to play. Address your reply to the attention of Ashley, Production Assistant, TFV production. Please include the role you choose to audition for. You can apply for both. No need to be Russian to play Petra. Compensation: credits and tape only. Great opportunity to show off your acting skills and acting passion (and breasts, I am guessing). Auditions and on-camera reading:☞ Sunday, April 10 at 7 p.m.

* Location: Williamsburg/Greenpoint, Brooklyn, NY
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

Wow. They took a lot of time and effort to make this ad for what will probably just be hackneyed, soft-core lesbian porn sound so... so... so much like hackneyed, soft-core lesbian porn.

(Gabby's beginning to think she needs to add a GOGA category...