Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Wonder What The Moral Of This Sermon Is?

‘SATANIC SERMONS’

Gabriel XXXXX (prod.), in association with Stage 13, is casting Satanic Sermons, a performance piece that is part of a new ongoing cabaret series. The piece is a stylized sermon-style act that runs approx. five minutes (definitely not a Catholic service). Rehearses and opens Aug. 15 in the Union Square area in NYC.

Seeking—Little Devil: any age, any ethnicity, little person or dwarf.

Auditions/meeting will be held by appt. only in July in NYC. To schedule an appt., email pix & résumés to XXXXX.com. Pay, plus possibility of extension into full show provided.

I guess on earth you get 15 minutes, but in hell only 5 - unless you get extended. Interesting.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Souls For Sale: $300 - Cheap!

ACTRESSES NEEDED FOR DAYTIME TV (NYC)
Reply to: XXXXX.org
Date: 2008-07-15, 2:25PM EDT

If you think you can get married men to cheat on there (I think you mean "their") wifes and girlfriends, then we have a job for you. A national TV show is looking to add new SEXY DECOYS to work with there (It's "THEIR", dammit!) TEAM. This is a non union gig but will be steady work (once to twice a week). You must have that "stripper / playmate" look. Look between 18 - 25, be reliable able to take direction well. Pay is $200 a day and if you are able to bust him (No pun intended! Ok, maybe pun intended) you get a $100 bonus. (What is that - like, a bounty for cheaters? That makes me feel gross inside...)

Send head shots and body shots with your contact information to be booked for an audition. Taping starts in August.

Good luck, and we will see you there (Finally, you got it right.)!!!!

Location: NYC

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: 200 -300 A DAY

I've got your sexy decoys, right here:

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Actor Reads Casting Notices... Actor Gets Annoyed.

‘KIDS GO TO THE WOODS...KIDS GET DEAD’ (What, is this written by Sling Blade?)

Darkstar Entertainment is casting Kids Go To The Woods…Kids Get Dead, an original feature-length HDV horror film. Michael XXXXX, prod. Shooting Sept. 6-10, 13-16, 20 & 21.

Seeking—Casey: female, 18-29, buoyant girl-next-door (Hmmm... I wonder what attributes - physical attributes - she has that make her 'buoyant'?), LEAD; Scott: 18-29, Casey’s brother, loveable dork, LEAD; Derrick: 18-29, all-American, athletic; Tom: 18-29, wise-cracking jock, some nudity and simulated sex required; Heather: 18-29, gum-cracking prom queen, some nudity and simulated sex required; Robin: 18-29, wholesome cheerleader, some nudity and simulated lesbian sex (Jackpot!) required; Jill: 18-29, wise-cracking outsider, Robin’s girlfriend, some nudity and simulated lesbian sex; Lloyd: 40-65, creepy shop owner, weathered; Sheriff Jones: 40-50; Deputy Sampson: 30-39, dim-witted younger cop; Mom and Dad: 45-60, 1950s-type parents.

Auditions will be held by appt. only mid-July at PS122 in NYC. To schedule an appt., email pix & résumés, phone number, email address, and links to reels/websites to XXXXX.com. No pay, but copy, credit, meals, travel, and lodging provided.

3 Naked women. Only 1 naked man. *sigh*

Faster Than Due Process! More Powerful Than A Motion To Dismiss!

‘ZERO TOLERANCE’

Hunter Productions is casting Zero Tolerance. A burned-out D.A. takes the law into his own hands as he goes up against dangerous villains of the criminal underworld, but is soon faced with more deadly sinister characters. Zero Tolerance is a fast-paced Batman-style story (a cartoon?) filled with three-dimensional characters (oh... I guess not a cartoon...) and surprise heroes. Leon XXXXX, dir. Shooting begins late summer in various locations on Long Island, NY.

Seeking—Actors: male and female, all ages, all ethnicities, all types.

Send pix & résumés to XXXXX Productions, XXXXX, NY 11701. No pay provided.

I've been waiting for the first lawyer-superhero! I wonder how exorbitant his rates are...