Thursday, November 16, 2006

BAR FLAIRING?! No way!

USA, 'THE ULTIMATE COYOTE UGLY SEARCH,' SEASON 2
Eyeworks Touchdown Inc. and CMT are casting the second season of the series The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search. Shoot starts in 2007. Seeking—Contestants: females, any ethnicity, outgoing, charismatic, vibrant, the life of the party, able to sing, dance or bartend (Notice they said "OR" - so no worries about not being a triple-threat). Five women will be chosen to join an intensive paid training course of up to five weeks. Each participant will learn the core Coyote skills–-dancing (Ooh), singing (Ahh), bartending (Uh huh) & bar flairing (?!?! NO WAY! I don't even know what that is!) — before facing off against each other to win the grand prize. Auditions will be held in five cities: Nashville (Dec. 1), Memphis (Dec. 3), Charlotte (Dec. 9), New York (Dec. 12), and Ft. Lauderdale (Dec. 15). To schedule an audition appt, complete the required Online Registration Form at https://app.touchdowntv.com/casting. $25,000 provided for the winner.

Ahhh... how I miss having cable. Leave it to good ol' USA Network to bring us something truly uninspiring & useless. Ladies, this is an excellent opportunity: think of all the bar flairing outfits you can buy with $25,000. Incredible.

Wake Me When This Casting Notice Gets Interesting...

‘STANDING ROOM ONLY’
Standing Room Productions is casting Standing Room Only. Anthony XXXXX, dir.; Douglas XXXXX, prod.Seeking—Two Guys and One Girl: 25-40; Young Mary: 18-28; Young Rico; Vito: 40-50, black man; Fat Pack: 40-60, heavy man; Older Mary: 40-50; Jack: 50-60, club owner; Mary’s Sister: 30-40; Mom and Pop: 69+; Skinny Tall Man: 19-28; Irish Priest: with his own outfit; Cop: with his own uniform. Also seeking staff—Video Cameraperson: with Quality Cam. Auditions will be held Nov. 30, noon-3 p.m. at XXXXX St., Ste. 3A, NYC. For more info, email XXXXX.com. Bring pix & résumés. No pay.

Zzzzzzz... I understand you have to pay for space and that you may not want to look like one of those psychos who waxes poetic on the subtle nuances and psychological ironies of a campfire sleepover massacre plot... but SOME info is helpful. I mean, what is this about? Who are these people? And the call for a camera person with a "quality cam" frightens me a little.
...

Friday, November 10, 2006

It's Like A Young, Hot, Naked UN Session

‘THE FALL OF SUMMER’
Magic Flute Inc. is casting The Fall of Summer, an HDDV film about two young cousins who decide to make an opera about the apocalypse in Williamsburg. (There was an apocalypse in Williamsburg??? Or do they mean 'In Williamsburg, two young cousins make a movie about the apocalypse'?) The film references Science of Sleep, 2046, and The Dreamers. Renzo Zanelli, dir.; Jacquelyn XXXXX, screenwriter. Shooting in November in NYC and Williamsburg, Magic Flute Inc., 101 E. 15th St., 2nd fl., NYC.S eeking—Mandy: 18, blonde, mormon, girly and tomboy, can only let go when she drinks, wild, aggressive, sarcastic, but sweet inside; Silvia: 20, Taiwanese, thick accent, motorcycle-riding, community college for business (role involves nudity and simulated sex); Elizabeth: 20, redhead, Danish, independent, cold, creative, dancer (role involves nudity and simulated sex); Bonnie: 20, Taiwanese, still childish; Cecilia: 20, French, dancer, melancholy, smart (role involves nudity and simulated sex); Mercedes: 27, Asian-Indian-white mix, wealthy bohemian; Natash: 23, Russian, Spanish speaker, businesswoman; Ina: 20, Russian opera singer, quirky; Extras; Other Roles.Email pix & résumés to XXXXX.com. For more info, visit www.magicflutefilms.com. Some pay, plus videocopy, credit, meals, and transportation provided.

I think they left out that the simulated sex is lesbian sex. Because I see three women listed as having simulated sex scenes, but no dudes. That seems like it'd be an important thing to mention. Or maybe I'm wrong and the dudes have already been cast? Saaayyyy... maybe it's the guys who wrote the movie? Could it be??? How many of you guys are slapping your knees right now saying "Why didn't I think of that?!"

No Pay Exposure

this could be your chance (FOR...?!?!?!)

casting for female models for the queens film festival
Models needed for USA debut top European designer- must be drop dead gorgeous- model thin not necessary- 5'5 and over and have own evening gown - preferably black, and must bring to audition Tuesday Nov 15, 4pm at The Renaissance of Astoria, 27-34 21st ST. Show is Thursday Nov 16
Some of the models will be chosen to escort the celebrities to the stage to receive awards- Great photo opportunity! no pay (Oh.) exposure
if you are interested please email your sexiest full body picture with your name and number
or you can call JT 212-947-XXXX please do not just show up must email YOUR GOING


Sincerely, JT

Well, I guess I'm not qualified in many aspects. I'm shorter than 5'5' and I don't have a going to email him. I'm not sure what a going is, but I'm pretty sure I don't own one to email.
...

Thursday, November 02, 2006

"You Know, I Kind Of Didn't Want To Come To This Country, So Now I must Take My Revenge - Nonverbally, Of Course"

"THE ENCOUNTER", PA
Shelter Media is casting a short (15-17 min.) metaphysical mystery entitled The Encounter, a metaphysical mystery. Paul XXXXX, dir. Shooting over a long weekend in January or February (Fri.-Mon., exact dates TBA) in northeastern PA.Seeking Hania: ex-best friend of the lead female character, Ula, has been brought to America from Poland somewhat against her will, though she senses a chance to take revenge on Ula, must have fluency in an Eastern European language, does not have to be Polish, but something that will enable you to learn some Polish for the role, supporting role. Note: Good verbal and nonverbal skills required. Email pix & resumes to XXXXX.com. Possible pay, plus videocopy, credit, meals, transportation, and housing provided.

"Dear Paul,

I am writing in response to your ad for The Encounter, A Metaphysical Mystery. I would like to audition for the role of Hania. I am not fluent in Polish but I learn languages very quickly. Also, I am an excellent nonverbal communicator: I know the American Sign Language alphabet and I am good at charades. I can also write things on paper.

I also noticed that you or whoever posted this article doesn't like periods or other punctuation, only commas, which can sometimes be confusing, so I think your non-verbal communication skills are somewhat lacking, as well, I would still, like to audition for you, anyway, and I also like metaphysics, by the way.

Sincerely,
Your Future Hania

PS - Please explain 'Somewhat against her will'. ?"