Friday, April 27, 2007

And My Legs Make More Of A Chortling Noise...

Lrg. Female actors
Reply to: XXXXX.org, Date: 2007-04-27, 11:08AM EDT

Large white famale. Must have giggly arms. role in comedic short. non-union/union Non paid/defferred(sag only) Shooting dates: Late May Audition dates: Wed 5/2 Audition notes: appt. only

· it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
· Compensation: no pay

Exactly What My Mother Warned Me About

Young, Attractive Female Assistant :) (Yes, he really used a smiley face.)
Reply to: XXXXX.org Date: 2007-04-27, 11:47AM EDT

Hi there! Great opportunity for the right individual. Photographer in Brooklyn needs a motivated young female assistant F/T or P/T for in studio work, run errands and modeling opportunities. Please respond with photos and your contact information. Thanks, and all the best!

· it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
· Compensation: no pay


Full time (or part time) with no pay? Just FYI Mr. Craigslist poster - a woman cannot live on sex with her employer alone.

Friday, April 20, 2007

How much You Want To Bet The Director Casts Himself As The Lead?

‘SUEDE UTOPIA’
Brooklyn Atlantic Films is casting Suede Utopia (working title) (Good Lord, I hope you don't keep that title - it is extremely lame and awkward), a 20-minute mini-DV short in which two deviant girls (Oh... we're on to something...) forever change the life of an old, working-class, simple man (My goodness, I wonder how they manage to accomplish such a thing?). John XXXXX, dir.-prod.; Jen XXXXX, casting dir.-line prod.; Ralph XXXXX, prod. Shooting May 31-June 3 (tentatively) in Brooklyn, NY.Seeking—Billy: late 50s-early 60s, Mediterranean or Jewish American, understated New York accent, working class, introverted, sad and broody; Alexei: early to mid-30s, Russian or Eastern European, heavy foreign accent, slim build, talky, arrogant but friendly; Joanne: late 50s-early 60s, featured extra, sarcastic, grumpy, to play the wife of Billy; Caitlyn: 18-24, “suicide girl” look, sexy, campy, cheeky, flirty, Lolita, modern day pin-up girl; Lori: 18-24, like Caitlyn with a harder ege, more Alphabet City and less Williamsburg (I snorted with laughter when I read that - like there's a huge difference or something). Note: Both Caitlyn and Lori must be okay with on-screen kissing and sexual situations. Send pix & résumés (include email address) to John XXXXX, XXXXX St., Apt. 2H, Astoria, NY 11102; or email to XXXXX.com. Absolutely no drop-offs. No pay, but videocopy, credit, and meals provided.

*shiver*

The description of this project reminds me of something my friends and I accidentally came across on hotel cable during our high school trip to Toronto. Let me just say this: Old men, leopard print speedos and two whorish-looking women ARE NOT APPEALING TO ANY ONE.

A Year-Long Committment Without Pay? Are You High?

‘TIMON OF ATHENS’
Smoking Mirror Productions is casting William Shakespeare’s Timon of Athens project. It is an approx. one-year workshop dedicated to exploring and experimenting, leading up to a two to three week run. J. XXXXX, prod. Meetings will be on Monday evenings; rehearses weekends and evenings for four weeks before a two-three week performance run in early 2008. Seeking—12 Male Actors: various ages, many multiple parts.Auditions will be held by invitation May 2, 7-10 p.m. & May 4, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at Ripley-Grier Studios, 520 Eighth Ave., NYC. Send pix & bios to Smoking Mirror Productions, XXXXX, NYC 10008. Audition with any Shakespeare speech. Be prepared to read from Timon of Athens. No pay.
...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

A+

I'm guessing that sometimes people may think I'm a little hard on some of the ads I skewer on my blog. Maybe I am picky - but it's for good reason. This is a profession, people, so let's conduct ourselves accordingly. You don't need a big budget or big names to at least look sane and responsible. Here's an example:

Looking for an actress
Reply to: XXXXX.org
Date: 2007-04-17, 8:52PM EDT

My name is XXXXX Martinez and I am looking for an actress for a May 5th shoot. The character is named Cynthia, who is an online gamer, in which her boyfriend, Danny, does not know about. Ages 20-25, volunteer, will be feed (I'm assuming he means "fed" or "food"and not that you will be munching on oats from a burlap sack) on shoot, reimbursments on mass transit travel (Round trip $4). Please contact me if you are interested and I will send you the screenplay and info on auditions. Thank you and I hope to hear from you all.

· it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
· Compensation: no pay


He tells us up front:
What he needs - One actress.
Who she is - Cynthia, aged 20-25 years who is a secretive online gamer.
When - May 5th.
Material - He is offering potential candidates to see the script before deciding.
Pay - No salary or stipend but you will be reimbursed for travel.

Hey, sure, $4 is a token and I'm sure most people might be like "Dude, keep the money", but he's offering and that is a GOOD and NICE and PROFESSIONAL thing to do.

I wish you luck XXXXX Martinez!
...

Friday, April 13, 2007

Dude, Please.

'THIS IS THE NEW AMERICAN THEATRE'
Prodigal Sun Productions is casting This is the New American Theatre, a satirical look at contemporary theatre. Danny XXXXX, dir. Rehearses through May; runs June 1-30 at The Brick Theater in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY. Seeking—Astrid: late 20s-early 30s, smart, funny, free-spirited, flirtatious actress-dir. (full non-sexual nudity required); Marcy: early to mid-20s, wholesome, all-American, ambitious actress (full non-sexual nudity required). Auditions will be held by appt. Send pix & résumés ASAP (April 20 at the latest) to Danny XXXXX, Prodigal Sun Productions, 273 XXXXX, Brooklyn, NY 11215; or email to XXXXX.org (keep image files under 100k). Possible pay.

You want 2 hot chicks to get naked for your play, who's premise makes no sense (American Theatre is still male-dominated, not naked-chick-dominated), in Williamsburg where NO ONE will come see it, and you can't even make an effort to definitely pay these girls? Man, take out a cash advance on your credit card if you have to, and at least pay your talent a $50 stipend for being good sports.
...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Drumroll, Please...

Actor needed for the most incredible 28min Television Show of All Time (Midtown East)
Reply to: XXXXX.org
Date: 2007-04-11, 12:15AM EDT


I have a paid spot for a male/female to assist me in taping the most incredible television show of all time, a show of DRASTIC Social consequences that could turn the world upside down. (Sounds fun, sure, why not?) I'm not playing games when it comes to this Subject Matter. (Alright already.) I already get the world's top press and I'm seeking big world headlines from this Show, actually. (Sure, which is why, you know, you're searching on CraigsList.)

Taping will be very soon in a professional/MNN affiliated television studio in Midtown East. Pay is $20.00 and you may become very Cult as well. (Become very 'Cult'? Am I just old or does that make no sense?)

You'll announce the Beginning and appear as my assistant during the Show, although mostly Films will be playing throughout. Making comments and speaking on television, talking to some famous people call-ins, etc. It will be a one camera shoot and like I say this is totally legit and above-board. No nudity and nothing kinky, you just have to be there. (To be your assistant, Mr. Man-Who-Is-Afraid-To-Use-His-Own-Name-In-The-Casting-Notice-For-His-Own-Show?! I'm TOTALLY there!)

The Show will last approximately 1/2 hour. I ask you send me a headshot or bodyshot with your contact info. Taping could be within just a few days. It will appear on YouTube, MNN and possibly Beyond. (As in "The Great Beyond"?) Remember, this is something the likes of which the World has never seen before. Prepare yourself and have sort of a Revolutionary mindset just for starters. Send me your contact info and I'll fill you in more.


· it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
· Compensation: $20.00 for approximately give or take one hour

Wow. Wow. I believe absolutely nothing of what this guy says. Except that he might give me $20. Wow.

Bad Idea # 1,987,239,876:

TOPLESS Documentary needs models! (Greenwich Village)
Reply to: XXXXX.org
Date: 2007-04-10, 8:38PM EDT


Did you know that it's legal to be topless in NYC? (Yes.) Well, it is! Decided in the case of Rochester Romana Santorelli Vs. State of New York, it is perfectly legal for men and women alike to roam the streets without a top, like cattle.

This fact has led me to create a short documentary about American opinion surrounding nudity and body image. The project will culminate with an event I am hosting in Washington Square Park (date TBA, but definitely somewhere between April 18th and 22nd). (Oh, that's perfect - my mom will be in town visiting then) I'd like to gather as many female participants as possible (in the hundreds, preferably) to remove their tops simultaneously in the park. (What about the men? I thought you said it was legal for men and women... Why just women, eh?) WE WILL NOT DISCRIMINATE! ALL SHAPES AND SIZES ARE WELCOME! Of course, you will be armed with a copy of this law if an ignorant officer happens to trouble you.

As an NYU Film Student, I aim to create a contemplative look at our fascination/titillation with the human body and promise utmost professionalism. Please contact me via email if you are interested. This is going to be exciting...


· it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
· Compensation: no pay

Why on earth would anyone want to run around topless in New York City? In the spring (it just snowed the other day). And like we don't get harassed enough by creey men when we wear our parkas. Give me a break.


Hey Girl, You Surfing Craig's List For Acting Work? Well Stop It.

Hey girl, are you pretty? (Maybe. Why do you ask?)
Reply to: XXXXX.org
Date: 2007-04-11, 8:22AM EST
We are looking for print ads commercial models. Must be 18 years old and above. No experience necessary. Pls send a picture of your best angle. Thank you.
· it's NOT oj to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
· Compensation: $$$


Ooooooh! Three dollar signs in a row! Awesome.