Monday, August 14, 2006

A Movie Within A Movie... Within A Movie???

SEEKING WHITE FEMALE ACTRESS for straight-to- DVD movie (guaranteed distribution through MVD). Pay = $300 for 3-5 hours of work. The movie is a comedy about the making of an ultra indie horror movie (like the kind you would find at a horror convention booth). The role available is "Melissa" who is a scream queen. She takes pity on the amateur director and decides to do him a favor by appearing in a scene at a greatly reduced fee (Like, say, $300 for 3-5 hours of work?). There are three scenes that the Melissa character is in. In her first appearance she bumps into the director at a park and thanks him for giving her boyfriend's band a positive review in a magazine (the director is a mag writer as his day job). In that conversation she reveals that she is a scream queen and defines that term for him (he doesn't know what a scream queen is). In her second appearance, later in the movie, she bumps into the director again and (she sounds clumsy), after hearing about his troubles (his movie is a disaster - girls are quitting, his crew is a bunch of morons, etc) she decides to appear in his movie. (Yes, I know I always run right out and sign up for something as soon as I know it's a disaster. That's always when it's the most fun and rewarding.) The third appearance is on location - the shooting of a movie within the movie. The Melissa character is clothed for all scenes except that one (topless and in a thong/garter belt/thigh-high stockings). Please note that the nudity is less than 30 seconds on-screen. As soon as she delivers her lines in the movie-within-a- movie she walks off to change into normal clothes and finishes her scene completely clothed. This movie stars Gina Lynn. Guest appearance by Miramax director J.T. Petty (he directed Mimic 3 and Soft For Digging - remember those?), and a cameo by George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher (What a silly nickname - he sounds like fun! Scary, deadly fun!!!). DVD will be released in October. (I'll put it on my Netflix queue now...)
Please send pics/resume to JT now
Sincerely, JT

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Da, Is Good Film.


Brett XXXXX (talent coord.) is casting Lift, a financed indie feature film. Shooting in early September in NYC. Seeking Irina: 30s, female, Russian, former acrobat turned lawyer (Those are some flexible briefs!); Nina: 30s, female, Russian beauty, "flaky-Ophelia-on-acid" type (Whoa! That's a 'type'?); Valentina: 30s, female, Russian, tall, blonde, voluptuous rustic type (The only things curvier than her silhouette are the rural hills she hails from! Zing!); Claude: 40-50s, male, strong-quiet-Frenchman (Jean Reno) type; Father Victor: 40-50s, male, gregarious, no physical preference; Rabbi Menashe: 30-40s, male, gaunt, morose, flexible physical attributes (Flexible? Perhaps he, too, is a former acrobat?); Fima: 40s, male, Russian, lovable loser type, no physical preference; Berman: 40s, male, Russian, successful doctor, no physical preference, slightly pompous; Gioia: 20-30s, female, Italian hottie, no physical preference; Lyudmila: 40-50s, female, Russian-Jewish-mother type; Boris: teens-early 20s, male, Russian; Gallery Owner: 30-50s, male, no physical preference, slightly sleazy; Bill the Boss: 40s, male, corporate lawyer type; Howard Harris: 40-50s, male, tall, slender, blond-gray, elegant, stuffy Brit; Landlord: 50s, male, aggressive, no physical type. Note: Actors with Russian fluency a plus for Russian roles.Send pix & resumes to Russian Film LLC, XXXXX. Box XXXXX, NYC 10012. No phone calls or walk-ins. Compensation according to role. Producer plans to apply for a SAG Low Budget Film Agreement. (First posted 7/27/06, revised 7/28/06)

I like how the last one finally has "no physical type" - like they've given up and thrown their Movie Cliche Thesaurus out the window.

Further down in the ad breakdown it read: "Nudity: Yes", which I sort of assumed. You can't have a movie that includes a former acrobat and men-of-the-cloth, without showing a little boobage, am I right? I so wish I could figure out what the plot will be. It sounds like the beginning of a joke, does it not?: "So a Priest, a Rabbi and a former acrobat-turned-lawyer walk into an art gallery..."

Monday, August 07, 2006

Hey, I Have A Big Head!

must be top heavy any ethnic
Casting for female models for stripper part in a commercial (NO NUDITY AT ALL) 18 TO 25 FEMALES MUST BE TOP HEAVEY FOR COMERCIAL pay is $500 dollars – for a few hours Please email pictures full body your name and number THE AUDITION WILL BE TOMMOW TUESDAY AUG 8TH FROM 10AM TO 230PM CALL FOR INFO
Sincerely, JT

Sort Of Like Shakespeare's Play Within A Play


Black Cougar Productions is casting a documentary film. Jeff XXXXX, camera & lighting; Silvio XXXXX, dir.Seeking—Actors and Actresses: all ages. Auditions will be held Aug. 15, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. at Shetler Studios, 939 W. 8th St. (btwn. 55th & 56th sts.), Rm. 400, NYC. You will come in and tell them about your experiences in film or TV: the struggles, the highs and lows, the auditions you went on, acting jobs you did, the crazy eccentric people you’ve met, and more. Actors will be filmed at the audition so come prepared to tell them a true to life story that you went through. Bring pix & résumés and contact info. For more info, visit No pay.

"Well, I went on this one audition to be in a documentary about acting and I had to tell them a story about a weird acting experience. They were filming the audition, and there was no pay. I never did hear from them, but the next thing I knew, my friends told me they saw me in some documentary telling a story about a weird acting experience! But they never contacted me to tell me I was in it. And there was no pay... Isn't that weird?"

Make Your Mother Proud: Get Naked With Tisch Students (They're Super-Talented, You Know)


No Outlet Group, LLC is casting House of Sand, a low-budget mini35 DV teen horror feature about four high school seniors whose summer vacation at the beach turns into a nightmare when they run into two drifters interested in more than having a good time. Paul and Daniel XXXXX, co-dirs. Weekly rehearsals ongoing through September in Brooklyn and NYC; shooting Sept. 17-Oct. 2 at a beach house on the bay. Seeking -Jenna: featured role, 18, tall, blonde or light-haired, very attractive, sassy, sarcastic, flirtatious, partial nudity required for group skinny-dipping scene. Note: Tisch talent attached for other roles. Send pix & resumes to Paul XXXXX, 132 XXXXX, Brooklyn, NY 11231; or email No pay, but videocopy, credit, meals, transportation, and lodging (all cast and crew will be housed at the beach house for the duration of the shoot) provided.

Over the years people have marveled at the difference between "low-budget", "super-low budget", "zero-budget", etc. And since this notice isn't particularly funny or noteworthy - except for the classic 'nudity required/no pay' stipulations - I will venture my guesses regarding these budget types here:

Low-Budget: "I've held down two terrible part time jobs for the past year and a half to earn enough cash to pay for a camera, gas, some props and a pizza for every day we shoot. I would kick a few bucks your way if I could - but on the last day of the shoot if there's anything left, I'll probably spend that on a case of beer."

Super/Ultra-Low-Budget: "I pocketed the money my dad gave me last week to get the car washed and I'm gonna use it to make my opus. I'm borrowing my friend Hank's handi-cam on the condition that I let him help me 'audition' the girls who will play the Vampire Maidens from Uranus. I can't afford props or costumes so it's gonna have to all be improv'ed and everyone will have to be naked except the homeless man from in front of the 7-11 who I bribed to be in the shoot with a can of Pepsi."

No-Budget: "I'm not sure what I'm doing."

Zero-Budget: "Can I borrow a couple bucks? I'll let you be in my movie."