Seeking Douchy 'Bro-Type' With Duckface

 Douchey Bro type needed (Chicago)


Need an actor for a fake Axe body spray type commercial that will be apart of a short film. It's non-paid but will be filmed on a beach, so that's cool right? (Dude!) Only a couple of hours next Sunday around magic hour. (Magic hour? What is that? Is this 'bro code' for... WHAT THE HELL IS MAGIC HOUR??? It's not in the Urban Dictionary.) Meals and reels.

Male
20's
duckface

* Location: Chicago
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

I think this is my new favorite ad (their photo - not mine). Pucker up!

I Can't Out-Do This Title

PA, 'Leaving Virginville'

White Lyte Productions is casting "Leaving Virginville," a coming-of-age independent feature film. Melissa XXXXX, writer-dir.

Shooting July-November 2013, mostly Fridays and Saturdays in Lehigh Valley & Philadelphia, PA and surrounding areas.

Project description: "The story of Faith, a girl who loses her father when she is eleven years old. When a suicide attempt after his funeral fails Faith is convinced that she has proved there is no God. The film picks up with Faith at eighteen and rebelling against her mother and Catholic school society. When Faith gets expelled from school her mother Christina suggests she go live with her cousin Phoebe in Philadelphia and try to find something in this life that will make her happy. When Faith gets to Philadelphia she discovers that the life she thought she wanted does not make her happy either. So she is left questioning who she truly is and what she believes."

Seeking—Faith: 18-20, a High school senior, tall, slender, black hair, dark eyes, rebellious, intelligent, jaded, topless nudity required for s strip club scene, and a scene where she is photographed after passing out. Phoebe: 21-25, Faith's older cousin, a cross between Edie Sedgwick, Zelda Fitzgerald and a suicide girl, a stripper and Bohemian princess, must have tattoos, piercings preferred, roll requires some topless nudity for strip club scenes, and simulated sex scene. Byron: 25-30, a Henry Rollins type, lead singer of the rock band "Rude Mechanicals", intelligent, artistic and manipulative, lives off his girlfriend Phoebe's income. Rich: 29-34, a talented photographer who's managed to find a balance between pursuing his art with the Bohemian types and making a living shooting family portraits. Christina: 35-40, Faith's mother, at the end of her rope with her rebellious daughter, loving, kind, patient (except for now - when she's at the end of her rope. Then she is short-tempered and ready to ship her kid off the Whoretown). Father Bezanson: 24-27, a young priest who connects with Faith, a forward thinker and attractive priest (ummm, what?). He understands that Faith is the only one who can make her life peaceful.

To apply, submit pix & resumes XXXXX.

No pay, but copy, credit & meals provided.

The town's name is Virginville? No towns are named Virginville. It would only attract two types of people: overprotective dads and creepy men.

And the girl's name is Faith? And her mother - who sends her to Catholic school - her name is Christina? This is all a little heavy-handed, dontcha think?

Or... perhaps Virginville does exist... somewhere near Pussy Valley, or... Beyond the Palisades??? (These two projects should get married.)

Largrie & Sprotwear??? My Head Hurts...

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Thank You, Anonymous.

DAY 2
Feature Film
NON-UNION
NO PAY

Producer: Laura XXXXX
Director: Andrew XXXXX
Casting Director:Laura XXXXX
Interview: late January
Shoot/Start Date: February 15
Location: New York

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY TEL: 732-XXX-XXXX

THERE IS NUDITY IN THIS PROJECT.

[ LAURA ]
Lead - Female, 20s - plagued by voices in her head, one of very few survivors of the apocalypse. She is hunted by the giant robots and must find a way to stop the invasion. Nudity, one back-lit love scene.

[ DR. MASCHWITZ ]
Female, 40s-60s - Laura's psychiatrist, secretly trying to protect Laura from the robots.

[ NEIL ]
Male, 30s-40s - a crazy drunk, former Special Forces op. Knows way more about the invasion than he should.

Thanks to Anonymous for tipping us off to this masterpiece where our heroine - poor, haunted, schitzo Laura - will probably be forced to make back-lit naked "love" to Neil the crazy drunk. It is very fortunate, however, that her psychiatrist is also one of the "very few survivors of the apocalypse". I mean - what are the odds?

They're Right - Not Being In It Will Probably Do Wonders For My Career.

KILL DATE: 12/18.2009 (Maybe we should put it out of its misery now?)

JOB TITLE: Casting Call For Play

ORGANIZATION: The pinkhandbag Casting

UNION: Non-union

LISTING: We are now casting for the play the vampire with the pink handbag (First they sparkle. Now they carry kicky accessories? What's next?), we are looking for talented people. We are seeking actors who are available at least 2-3 times a week for rehearsal, during the months of January and February. There are straight roles in this play and there are also gay roles (I see: sparkles>handbags>salon school...). The gay roles do no have any physical scenes at all (Then is that even technically a 'role'?). The play can help to promote your acting career (Even If I'm not actually in it?). This is a no pay role but you will gain experience and exposure (But wait - if I'm not even "physically" in the show... then how...?). Lead characters will be featured in all advertisements, this role can open doors for you. Send clear photos and also credentials, anything that you think is relevant to XXXXX.com

I am so confused!

Oh... Canada... *sigh*

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The Best Soldiers Have The Biggest "Bazookas"

I, Creator
Feature Film, Non-Union

Union Status Non-Union
Rate 1.) Meals provided by the production. 2.) Screen credit for your work in the production. 3.) A copy of the final cut of the DVD. 4.) An invite to the screening party. (Um, not to get technical - but those aren't "rates".)

Synopsis
This is the fabled Frankenstein story retold with new twists, turns, technology, and characters for the twenty-first century.

GINA / Non-Union / Supporting / Female / Caucasian / 25-35
Gina is Robert’s ex-girlfriend with long black-hair and black-eyes with an olive complexion in her twenties. Gina is of average height of around five feet four inches tall with a slim attractive figure. The role requires strong acting skills. (Sounds it!)
Wardrobe: She wears blue jeans, sneakers, and a blouse
Rate: NO PAY, but screen credit, a copy of the final DVD, and invite to screening party (Really??? You mean after all the hard work I'll do for you - being slim and petite and acting real good - you'll even deign to let me attend the screening of my own work? THANK YOU!)

GAIL STORM (Get it?)/ Non-Union / Lead / Female / Caucasian / 21-30
Gail is a long black-haired and black-eyed extraterrestrial female cyborg with fair skin and in her twenties who looks human and stands well over six feet tall. She is built like a Barbie doll and well-endowed. She was made to be the ideal female super soldier (huge breasts are imperative to being a top-notch soldier! They don't slow you down or get in your way AT ALL) and scientist by her creator, Dr. Pavlov on the planet, Delta Four. Strong acting skills and stage fighting required.
Wardrobe: A black coverall cat suit with matching boots and gloves, an ammunition belt, and a laser rifle. Gail also wears army fatigues and a backpack for hiking, business suit, blouse and blue jeans a blouse, high heels and sneakers for other scenes. (Ice skates and bridesmaid dress sold separately.)
Rate: A copy of the final DVD, screen credit, meals, and invite to screening party (She gets to go to the party, too?! What fun!)

SURVIVALIST / EX-DELTA FORCE INSTRUCTOR / Non-Union / Supporting / Male / All Ethnicities / 25-45
He is an ex-Delta Force instructor standing 5'6'. Robert hires him to train Angela and Gail. The survivalist was convicted of rape, escaped jail and the USA, and admitted back to the USA for rescuing an ambassador’s daughter. He meets his match with Angela and Gail. They are terminator-like indestructible soldiers. Robert sends Angela and then Angela and Gail to him to test Angela’s firmware never to kill a human no matter how evil they are and to protect humans from other machines.

The role requires a STRONG BACKGROUND IN STUNTS, MARTIAL ARTS, stage fighting, and strong acting (sure - but only if you'll invite me to the screening party!). If you have a stunt reel, I'd like to see it. We need to get as close to exact height we are asking for as much as possible for these roles.
Wardrobe: Jungle fatigues, backpack, hunting knife, and a water canteen.
Rate: Deferred payment (D'oh!)

TERRORISTS / Non-Union / Supporting / Male / Middle Eastern / 20-35
Must have dummy pistols and look like terrorists. The roles require strong acting skills and have dialogue. (Again, yes, my goodness - it seems like "acting skills" are of the highest priority...)
Wardrobe: Street clothes.
Rate: A copy of the final DVD, screen credit, meals, an invite to the screening party (The more the merrier! Except for that survivalist guy - who wants him when you can party with terrorists?)

It's Good To Have Goals

Exotic girls...from all over (Midtown)
Reply to: XXXXX.org
Date: 2008-03-10, 3:11PM EDT

Fantasy photo shoots... clients will pay to be the director of your photo shoot. You will be paid based on the fees charged to the client.

I want top notch females... models... or model like!

Please send your pictures and a description of your goals asap, etc.

Thank you!!

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

Dear Sirs;

Ever since I was a young girl I had two life dreams. The first was to graduate high school as valedictorian, attend Cornell, join the Peace Corps as an agricultural specialist helping to alleviate starvation in third-world countries, then return home and marry an equally generous, motivated and caring man with whom I would raise a family in Connecticut.

My other goal was to have dirty pictures taken of me by strangers where they could and would probably end up on the internet for everyone to see, and to buy a grande latte with whatever lame and probably vastly insufficient "compensation" was offered.

I look forward to the day I can check one or both off my list of personal goals. With your help, that's not just a dream.

Most sincerely,
Gabriella

Mon Dieu!

About Compensation...
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-01-03, 6:20AM EST

To all you people who want to hire models and other artists, etc., without paying them fairly, or AT ALL...

Don't you realize that you will get a much better response from the type of people you need (read: quality) if you PAY them? No one wants to work free; you cannot reasonably expect anyone to. It isn't fair to us. We work hard to hone our craft, and deserve to be compensated when performing a job for you. I cannot believe the number of ads I would have answered (for which I probably would have been hired) if only there had been a reasonable compensation rate instead of "No pay"!

Please, people...DO offer reasonable compensation if you want someone worth hiring to answer your ads!

Thank you.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: Please pay us!!

I think Gabby is in LOVE!

Recipe For (Sexy) Disaster?

Project Name: The Ultimate Exotic Dancer
Project Type: Reality TV
Format:
Rate/Compensation: some pay
Role: Dancers and Actors
Role Type: Other
Gender/Age/Ethnicities: Male or Female / 20 to 45 / All Ethnicities

Breakdown: 2 gorgeous actress model types as spokes models ages 20-40 Pamela Anderson or Carmen Electra types. Must own evening dress high heels. 7 exotic dancer types willing to do a dance rehearsal scene in a studio. No nudity required. Must have sexy dance rehearsal clothing. Bring CD of your music and prepare a 1 minute routine. Actors 2 choreographers 1 over weight mean ballet instructor we prefer European type but not required 2 ballet dancers 3 male or female actors any age

Mix exotic dancers with ballet dancers in tiny dressing room. Wait until the stench of superiority wafting from the ballerinas is overwhelming. Add overweight "European type" ballet instructor. Once the original mixture is sufficiently deflated, fold in choreographers. When the mess starts to take shape, sprinkle with random actors for comedic effect and frost with spokes-models for sweetness. Serve chilled.

Seriously though, will they be judged? How will those comments go:

"Well Krystal, that routine was very similar to last week's - what with all the sliding down the pole and hair whipping. But it still managed to turn me on... Good job!"

Inspired By Real Events

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Ever Have That Dream Where You're Naked In Public - Wearing Nothing But A Sock - And The Press Is Taking Pictures Of You?

Well Now You Can LIVE It!:

VIRGIN FESTIVAL MEDIA EVENT
Virgin USA and Virgin Mobile USA are asking for volunteers to participate in a Virgin Festival media event. Dan XXXXX, communications; Alex XXXXX, senior vice president. No rehearsals required (Oh, good, this should be a cake walk then...). Seeking—Photo-op Participants: will be asked to appear on-stage wearing nothing but a strategically placed Virgin branded sock (Did they just say A sock - as in ONE sock - strategically placed? Are they looking for just men? 'Cuz if they're not, then I hope that's a BIG sock...), there are no physical requirements for this event (Excuse me?), the appearance on stage will last approximately 20 minutes (As in 1,200 seconds???), there will be news media on site taking photographs and television pictures (What?!). The event will take place July 17, 10:30 a.m.-noon at the Virgin Megastore Cafe in Union Square on 14th St. (btwn. Broadway and University Place), NYC. To participate, email AlexanderXXXXX.com No pay, but participants will receive a gift (ARE YOU OUT OF YOU MIND?!?!).

That "gift" better be made of gold, wrapped in large bills and stuffed inside a BMW...

Just When You Thought Your 'Guy's Weekend' Hiking Adventure Couldn't Get Any Better...

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Ummm... Ew?

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I'll Take A Pack Of Menthols, Today's 'Times', And... Oh - Are Those Melons Ripe?

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Psychics + Lesbian Law Enforcement = Good Entertainment

"CLOSING TIME," INDIE THRILLER
Casting for "Closing Time," independent digital cinema feature. Principal photography in July in Stamford, CT. Mystery thriller about small-town sheriff and local psychic trying to solve three missing person cases. Seeking--Father Mark: Caucasian, 40-50, streetwise, conservative; Colonel Rook: Caucasian, 60-70, Korean War veteran; Nickie: all ethnicities, easygoing, friendly, lesbian sherriff; James: all ethnicities, 30-40, handsome prodigal son who may be psychic; Sandra: all ethnicities, 30-40, serious, dedicated lesbian detective. Some nudity for Nickie, James, and Sandra. Auditions will be held by appointment on May 24-26 from 9AM-5PM at Soundwaters Center, Cove Island Park, 1281 Cove Road, Stamford, CT. For an appointment, email pix and resumes to XXXXX. Meals, credit provided. Low/deferrred pay. Christopher XXXXX, dir.-writer. Producer plans to apply for SAG agreement.

I'm making an early prediction that, at some point, over a cup of warm joe and a moist old-fashioned... holsters and badges start falling to the floor as true love blossoms between the friendly and the dedicated lesbian law enforcers. Looks like James somehow gets caught in the 'action'... or did he see it coming and strategically time his visit to the small town police station???

Lame Title? Check.

"BEYOND THE PALISADES"

4/16, 4/17, 4/23, and 4/24 from 12noon-5PM at XXXXX W. 92 St., Suite 22D, NYC. Mary Allen Productions will be holding auditions for a reading of its new play "Beyond the Palisades." To be read in July at The Dramatist Guild of America. John XXXXX, writer. Seeking—Elvee Tulsa: lead, in the early 1970s, a woman, a singer from New Orleans (singing not required) is conned by a man, Dakota Raye, who promises her stardom beyond her wildest dreams in NYC. Instead of bringing her to the lights of Broadway, he takes her to the streets of Palisades, NJ. He strips her of everything she was and leads her into a life of drugs, stripping and prostitution, 20-40; Dakota Raye: pimp and slime ball, in every sense of the word, The Devil himself, late 20s, any type; Jade: 20s, fellow prostitute and friend of Elvee; Angie: 20s, fellow prostitute and friend of Elvee; Billie: late teens-20, child born mute and daughter of Elvee, all acting is physical; Marta: a homeless woman who carries the body of the play. Also seeking: street types of the 1970s, anything from riff raff, street beggars, male prostitutes, slime, and johns who cheat on their wives. They will steal anything from anyone, including him or her. Elements from deep within the belly of the beast, any type, any age, very colorful. Especially seeking--Francesca: pretty male homosexual prostitute, any type, very colorful; Craig: pretty male homosexual prostitute, any type, very colorful; Blue: homeless stret musician, any type; Zataran: homeless heroin addict, any type, talks to himself; Hogan: slime, riff raff, walks with a limp and stutters his words. Ethnic types encouraged to audition. Pay involved (Oh yeah? To what degree? Because for some reason I don't believe you…). Prepare a three- to five-minute monologue (Holy crap! That's an effing long monologue!). May be asked to read from script. Auditions will be held Sat. April 16, Sun. April 17, Sat. April 23, and Sun. April 24 from 12noon-5PM at XXXXX W. 92 St., Suite 22D, NYC.

Sad, lonely, talented woman desperate for stardom? Check.
Prostitute? Check.
Homeless person? Check.
Physically or mentally challenged character? Check.
Innocent child caught in the drama? Check.
Character named after a state? Check
Character named after a precious/semi-precious stone or gem? Check.
Stripping, drugs, prostitution and at least three forms of "slime"? Check.

Order your tickets now people - this is gonna be a hit!

There Was A Part One?!

ACTRESSES, "DAS KAPITAL..."
Casting non-union actresses to play strippers in "Das Kapital – The Movie (Chapter 2)," a very low-budget digital film shooting late September-early October in NYC. Seeking speaking roles—Laura Engels: lectures unwitting club patron on Marxist economics; Supply and Demand: two attractive strippers who assist Engels. Partial nudity required. Also seeking non-speaking roles—actresses of all types and ages to play strippers in club. Nudity not required for non-speaking roles. No pay, but copy and credit provided. Royston XXXXX, dir./casting. Renaissance Theater & Film, prod'r. Send pix & resumes to...

Ok, now that the tears of laughter have dried from my eyes... I wonder if Laura Engles is any relation to Laura Ingalls? Or is this perhaps her stage/pole name? Who would have thought that sweet little Laura would have left the prairie to become a Marxist seeking converts in a strip club? I'm very glad to hear though, that if you have no lines, nudity is optional. That seems very fair. Now I have to try and rent Part 1... Have any of you guys seen it? Was it good...?

The Romance Of Prostitution!

Group II Theatre Casting for the development of a new playJANE HO Written byJohn XXXXX. Jane Ho... A high priced escort walks us through their world and the things they tell their pillow, nobody should (I talk to my comforter - never my pillow. I don't trust it.)...JANE HO...It's the touch of my hands that sooth him. It's the taste of my lips that quench him. It's breathing my essence that thaws his heart. It's the anxiety he fells when we are apart. It's my beautiful eye's that entrap him (Those are some strong eyeballs). It's the softness in my voice that excites him. It's my smile that is often so intriguing. It's the words I say when I am speaking (No way!). It's my glimmering hair that strokes him. It's my sensual walk that stirs him. It;s the feel of my rich glowing skin. It's my sex appeal that finally does him in. He... John... Has found that special je ne sais quois. That unique eau de perfume (You smell it, too?), an attractiveness that is sublimely unspeakable. You see... He's a seeker of dreams, one who looks through the mists for what he desires. With the ability to read what people do not say, or are afraid to reveal. I'm someone to join in his "dreams" and play with his fancies. Oh, my dear friend John, How you long to hear my voice before the night is through. Let there be only that passionate moment you felt when we first laid eye's on one another through dollars and words.Jane Ho will be developed for a later production.SeekingJane HoCan be played by a man or woman, ages 25 to 35.Please send headshots and res. toGROUP II Theatre 784 XXXXX Ave Suite 2L NYC NY 10025. Do not e mail headshots

Whoa. Deep.

Sounds Riveting

"EBONY DAWN MOMENTS"
The Thespian Project is seeking: Many roles for apilot program for a cable television series, "EbonyDawn Moments." The first five stories will be filmed with little dialogue but intense emotions—therefore, you must have exceptional facial expressions and goodbodily gestures. One episode includes brief suggested nudity (bath tub scene). Seeking: males and females,all types, ages, and ethnicities. Shooting inmid-July. No pay, but opportunity for exposure. Video,CD, or DVD copies are provided. Send pix & resumes toThe Thespian Project, PO Box XXXXX, NJ XXXXX.

Ok, I hate to say this, I really do, but I know you are ALL thinking it: "Ebony Dawn Moments"? Should we all grab a section of the Times before watching this film?