Seeking Douchy 'Bro-Type' With Duckface

 Douchey Bro type needed (Chicago)


Need an actor for a fake Axe body spray type commercial that will be apart of a short film. It's non-paid but will be filmed on a beach, so that's cool right? (Dude!) Only a couple of hours next Sunday around magic hour. (Magic hour? What is that? Is this 'bro code' for... WHAT THE HELL IS MAGIC HOUR??? It's not in the Urban Dictionary.) Meals and reels.

Male
20's
duckface

* Location: Chicago
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

I think this is my new favorite ad (their photo - not mine). Pucker up!

And Then There's This

$100 to best chewbacca impression (Seattle)

I've been wanting to do this for a while and now that I have some extra cash, here it goes. Call my number below, give me your best chewbacca impression, say your name and give a phone number I can call you back at. Leave a message if I don't answer.

I'll contact the winner for mailing options

503 XXX-XXXX

Good luck!

Shane

If the posting's still up, the contest is still on!

• Location: Seattle
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $100 to winner

Yes, good luck.

Getting Your Foot Through The Door

Amateur Actress Wanted

Doing an amateur/independent project and need a girl (Over 21!) (So, that would be an adult female, also known as a "woman") that can kick in a few locked bedroom doors. The backdrop for this part of the shoot is that you are searching your boyfriend at his ex girlfriend's apartment. You will encounter 4 locked bedroom doors--the locks are standard locks you'd find on any basic bedroom/bathroom door--very basic (cheap) locks on a hollow door like you'd find in any apartment. It will be easier than you think to kick them in.

Will likely need an hour or so of your time.

No acting experience necessary (but if you have kicked in a locked door before, give details), just good looks and strong legs that can kick in a locked door. If interested, please reply with any questions AND a full length candid photo--fully/casually dressed--but with your shoes off--standing by a doorway to get an idea of your height/size relative to a door. You can also take a still photo of you pretending to kick in a door (again with your shoes off )--again, this is to gauge your height relative to the door. There is a certain "look" that we want to have for whoever we cast.

DO NOT SEND EXPLICIT PHOTOS. Any inappropriate responses or responses without photo will be deleted.

Thanks for looking!

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: TBD 

I wonder if they've given any thought to what happens if they need a re-shoot? How long it will take to fix a door jamb and a lock? Or injuries? Any thought given to what happens if she hurts herself?

My money is on that they didn't.

Goo-Goo-Ha-Cha?

Bikini Babies Wanted.. Looking For Fun Models (Northern Suburbs)

Looking for Fun Models... Bikini Babies is New... Looking for Fun Female models to do a wide range of gigs in Bikinis and other Fun outfits.. (Like...? [Please don't say diapers... please don't say diapers...]) Will assist you in finding Fun Gigs... (I thought this IS the fun gig?) Promotional work - photo shoot work - Dancing gigs - Massage gigs - Hosting Events...ETC.. Must have Transportation and cell phone.. Must be a people person... Must be comforitable [sic] working in Bikini - Mini skirts - Fun tops.. ETC.. If interested, Please send a few photos of yourself, what is your modeling experience?? What would make you a good Bikini Baby???

* Location: Northern Suburbs
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: Pay will depend on gigs

They're looking for BABES, right? Not babies? They want adult women and not infants, correct? Please say yes. I mean, I'd have to assume so because I don't think a baby would give a very good massage. But how can you ever be sure with these damn crazy casting notices?

SIDE NOTE: Okay, so I thought it might be fun to add a photo of a cute, unassuming baby in a bikini so I did a Google search and OH MY GOD, what are people doing to their children?!?! Pleeeeeaaasssseee stop sexualizing your kids. Holy crap. I need eyewash.

So, then I thought I'd post a photo of a baby in a burka and... that was boring (and also mildly disturbing - war zone photos... the oppression of women... etc. [Side-Side-Note to earthlings: Make up your mind? Are we selling our young as sex objects at the age of 9 months or are we forbidding them from breathing fresh air and showing their wrists?]) 

Sooooo... then I thought the other possibility would be to go the opposite route and post picture of a woman in a diaper, but I stopped myself because we all know how that would turn out. No thanks.

Which is why this seemed like the safest option:

Naturally.   

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Role Reversal

Teach me how to rap like Pitbull! (Bridgeport)

$100/hr! Teach me how to rap like Pitbull. Only one hour ...any more and I'll want to off myself. (I think the feeling would be mutual.)

I can't rap at all but I don't suck at singing.

* Location: Bridgeport
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

I can't decide if this was posted by a 13 year-old, or by a mature adult at, like, 4 a.m. after hours spent taking selfies in the mirror.
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I Think I Sprained An Eyeball

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Read My Lips: No Pay? No Way.

Parts modeling (all over)

Date: 2011-10-02, 7:57PM EDT

Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for females for parts modeling. It will be nude parts modeling of the female body parts, and body scapes. your face will not be photographed, unless you would like some for yourself. pay is negotiable, no experiance [sic] necessary.

*Location: all over

*it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

*Compensation: no pay

This is not just simply female nudes - this is "modeling of THE female body parts." Sure you don't want some for yourself?

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Makes Total Sense.

model / actress wanted (NYC)

Date: 2012-07-02, 11:37PM EDT

Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Sensual model/actress wanted for behind-the-scene video production. This is an academic industrial project that does involve Nudity so please be advised.

The project's pay scale is $3000 with a 3-day shooting schedule. Ideal candidate will have a background in glamour, bikini, figure or fitness modeling in conjunction with some acting abilities. (i.e. reading from a script, taking direction and executing precise blocking).

To apply for this project you must be a female age 18 to 36 and in great physical shape. This is a contract project with many installments in the series.

Also include your acting and modeling resume if you have one. Do not leave out any of the requested information. Only serious inquiries will receive a reply.

MUST SEND

Email me with your photos, phone no & facebook or talent link

*Location: NYC

*it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

*Compensation: TBD

I like how this "sensual model/actress" "in great physical shape" "with some acting ability" is needed for "behind-the-scene" work, which - for some reason - involves Nudity (with a capital N). I have a feeling the "precise blocking" she will be executing will be very "hands-on."

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Fun! Silly! SEXY!

It's a birthday make-over! NR, NP started sending out fun and silly (just like the ladies this casting notice is looking for!) ads 10 years ago. Can you believe it? We can't (we don't think we look a day over 6 years old). But we thought we deserved a little sprucing up, anyway. We hope you enjoy the new layout.

Hugs,
Gabby

* * * * *

3-4 actresses needed for fun, sexy, campy comedy (Brooklyn)
Date: 2012-04-13, 9:45AM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for 3-4 actresses for speaking roles in my upcoming movie. The shoot will take place over two weekends in late April/May. It will be a fun campy comedy (like this guys makes http://XXXXX). Must be able to be sexy on camera, not perfect body sexy necessarily, more fun personality sexy. Send a headshot/full-body shot, screen tests will happen in about a week. No full nudity required, but must be comfortable topless in a fun/silly/sexy way. (I don't know what that means.)

There is no pay, but lots of fun, food, and an opportunity to hone your acting skills with someone who is serious about making good campy movies. Previous videos on YouTube have over 150,000 views, so you'll get seen.

* Location: Brooklyn
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay
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Girls, Girls, Girls

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Seeking Free Thinkers Who Are Into Free Nudity

Asian F model needed for horror vid (nj/nyc)
Date: 2011-10-02, 4:40PM EDT
Reply to:XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Need asian model for gothic/horror/R-rated music video. Shooting a gory, risque music video that needs a star. Dark subject matter. Some nudity may be involved. Location near Hoboken PATH. Not much pay available but looking for someone who can contribute for the experience (Contribute? Contribute what? Money or boobs? Or both???) (resume and promotion a sure fire thing). Please be a creative free thinker who loves horror movies. Please send head shot, credentials and contact info if interested. Thank you!!!!!!! Location: nj/nyc it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: no pay (True, that would be "not much.")

Who isn't a free thinker, really? Seriously. I think we all know by now that requesting "open minds" or "free thinkers" is basically code for "Please don't question our questionable taste. Just take your clothes off." ...
...

Meet Mr. Cheapy McCheapington:

Talented? Work from home. (Brooklyn )

Date: 2011-08-21, 2:56PM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Seeking one person who can work from their home and meet in their home to assist an executive:

Flexible hours..excellent side work for the right person
Please reply with a quick description and recent photo.

* Location: Brooklyn
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $20 per hour

My momma didn't raise no fool. You want me to "work" from my home and "meet" with you there... for $20/hr? Are you insane? Ladies - if you want a sugar daddy that's fine, but come on. You can get more than this through a temp agency - and you probably won't get herpes.

And yes, this item was listed on CL under "talent gigs."
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OMG Is Right.

Casting New pilot with Major studio
(Brooklyn) Date: 2011-06-03, 12:47PM EDT
Reply to:XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

OMG WILD' Cinema World Studios, a facility whose recent network television and motion picture clients include Make Me a Supermodel and The Beaver, is casting OMG Wild, a television sizzle-reel pilot. Maurice XXXXX & Mark XXXXX, exec. prods.; Hezues R., dir.; Charles XXXXX, prod. Shooting begins july 1st , need females 18-28 5,5-6,1 very attracyive, (What?) very attractive, (Oh. Thanks for clarifying. You do realize computers allow you to delete mistakes, right?) must prepare a monologue and prepare for improv..... must come dressed like shes going out to a party and bring a bathing suit. She must look nice in a bathing suit as one of the scenes takes place in a jaccuzzi (Computers also come with spell check.)...we will be taking pictures and video during audition.

Come to Cinema World Studios Brooklyn ny 11222 Saturday June 4th from 6-9 pm say JT Talent sent you (He's back! And as classy as ever. I should have recognized him from the very first typo...)

*Location: Brooklyn
*it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests *Compensation: no pay
......

Featuring: An Opportunity To Feature Your Best Feature

***Ladies - opportunity to be featured on new website*** (Midtown)
Date: 2011-04-05, 11:33AM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Ladies, here is an opportunity to promote yourself by getting featured on a new web site.

This is an opportunity to be featured on a website featuring the best asses around. (Please stop saying "feature.") We will be willing to attach booking info and or links to facebook, myspace, blogs/sites, and twitter.

If you have a nice ass this is your chance to show it off!!!! (Right? Because you can't show off your butt just any old time! You know, like, just by walking down the street wearing tight clothes. No siree. You need a bunch of creepy guys with a computer to manage your butt-showing-off career. That's just how it's done.)

If you are shy and are not looking to get your name out there but still are interested in being featured we will do anonymous pics. Just make sure to specify in the email that you want your information kept private. (If you're shy then why are you showing your butt online anyway? Showing one's butt online is a very un-shy thing to do.)

Photoshoots can be arranged, but a picture is necessary to get an appointment scheduled.

Respond to this post with pictures and contact info.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

No pay? Now who's an ass...
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"I Love Painting And You Love Acting So We Should Probably Just Make Out."

☞Audition: Independent film producer casting for two females (Williamsburg/Greenpoint, Brooklyn, NY)
Date: 2011-04-05, 11:38AM EDT
Reply to:XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Sunday Audition for a TFV independent film : Petra is a gorgeous Russian girl who just arrived in the City and responds to an ad for a roommate placed by Susan, a painter who is street smart and has been living in the City for years with a string of broken relationships that left her skeptical about finding true love. Petra is naive with a charming Eastern European accent who decided to come to America dreaming of becoming a famous actress. When she shows up at Susan's apartment, Susan is taken back by her beauty, femininity, freshness and charm. Petra moves in and sparks fly when their passion for the arts lead them to a forbidden relationship and Susan discovers real love for the first time.("Their passion for the arts lead them to a forbidden relationship"? That is, probably - literally - the gayest thing I have ever read.) Things get complicated when Sergei, Petra's boyfriend arrives from Russia and finds out about Petra's new interest. ("Complicated"... or just plain sexxxier?) We are running on camera reading and rehearsals tomorrow Sunday from 12 noon to 9 p.m. No experience is required, will train bright beginners or amateurs with a passion for acting. No union actors. Please reply with a couple of pictures, info about you and a contact number and tell us what role you prefer to play. Address your reply to the attention of Ashley, Production Assistant, TFV production. Please include the role you choose to audition for. You can apply for both. No need to be Russian to play Petra. Compensation: credits and tape only. Great opportunity to show off your acting skills and acting passion (and breasts, I am guessing). Auditions and on-camera reading:☞ Sunday, April 10 at 7 p.m.

* Location: Williamsburg/Greenpoint, Brooklyn, NY
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

Wow. They took a lot of time and effort to make this ad for what will probably just be hackneyed, soft-core lesbian porn sound so... so... so much like hackneyed, soft-core lesbian porn.

(Gabby's beginning to think she needs to add a GOGA category...)
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Nudity Required; No pay: Trawl V. Troll

Seeking cast for feature ASAP (Andersonville)
Date: 2011-02-08, 4:59PM CST
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

PLEASE READ ALL BEFORE REPLYING!

I’m a filmmaker currently casting for a feature film that will hopefully begin shooting in March. This film is ultra low budget but solid. The film is a Horror/Thriller with a dark comedic edge. It also has a gay theme. This should definitely be a fun and successful project with the RIGHT cast.

Plot: The film is about wicked attraction. Two young men, through a set of bizarre circumstances, become serial killers.

Lead roles sought:

Marco:
The original idea for this character was that of a good looking, dark haired, Italian, 25-35yo, who’s in the United States under shady circumstances and is pretty desperate to get back to Europe before he ends up in jail. This character is in very good physical shape (some nudity involved- nothing pornographic). A European from another country (or possibly a South American), other than Italy, may work as well. This character must have a foreign accent but speak good English. This character is a somewhat smooth hustler type who is naturally criminally minded. He has no strong morals to hold him back.

Beth:
This character is very attractive but very overbearing (think younger Karen Walker or such) 25-35yo. She attracts a lot of men with her beauty, but just as quickly repels them with her over-the-top personality (she’s basically a fag-hag who doesn’t know that she’s one).This character is secretly (or not so secretly) in love with the lead male character who continuously repels her advances to no avail. There is also some nudity for this role- nothing pornographic.

Supporting roles sought:

Mr. Hitch:
Annoying, somewhat creepy, middle aged landlord (think Buck Henry) who regularly harasses about late rent payments etc.

Detective Eniss:
Poker faced police detective, around 40, investigating a string of burglaries in the area.

Allen:
This character is the main character’s grouchy, greedy boss. 30-40 yo. He works in debt collections and his bottom line is making money.

The Massage Clients:
I need 5 middle aged men to play massage clients who are murdered. These clients are essentially married men secretly cheating on their wives and trolling (It's "trawling," people. Trolls live under bridges. Just a pet peeve of mine... [Though I see from Wikipedia that "trolling" is also a style of fishing. Hm. But "trawling" connotes casting a wide net to scrape the bottom of the water - which is just altogether seedier than "trolling." I guess both could work, but I think the former is more accurate and what most people mean when using the phrase. And thus concludes our English and fishing lesson for the day.]) for sex. Some of the clients have dialog, others not. You will have to have a great sense of humor and be able to laugh at yourself to play one of these roles. Some nudity involved- nothing pornographic.

***There is no pay for these roles but all actors will be fed. This should be a fun project to work on. I am only looking to work with actors who can COMMIT to the project. Also, you must be available for any scheduled shoot that you are in. So, leads must have flexibility of schedule. The shoot will likely be 8 days; a Thurs-Sun shoot week 1 and a Thurs-Sun shoot the following week. I am hoping for film festivals and distribution on this film. Hoping to start shooting in March, so need committed cast ASAP****

IF INTERESTED PLEASE SEND HEADSHOT AND RESUME. INCLUDE WHICH CHARACTER YOU’RE INTERESTED IN IN THE SUBJECT OF EMAIL. SERIOUS ONLY. THANK YOU!!!

* Location: Andersonville
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

Gabby learned something today (but she still thinks she's right - go figure).
...

"WANTED: Hospital Seeks Nursing Staff. Or Prostitues. Whichever."

Seeking an edgy actress for February in a short play ( Bklyn NY)
Date: 2011-01-09, 5:40PM EST
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Seeking a NYC actress (preferably Brooklyn/Bushwick/Williamsburg area
For rehearsing a short play we are working on to take to Washington DC for 4 days in February

We are a performance group- (XXXXX.net) a non profit arts group of 30 year old men in Bushwick/brooklyn are doing a 3 night show in Washington DC on Feb 10, 11, and 12 called Adventures in The OK Skin Trade. 4 actors. A 25 minute piece.

Looking to fill a big role for a girl that we are looking for a cool as shit talented actress to be in it. If u are free and interested let me know and we will send u the script. We will rehearse 2 nights a week ( with a weekend day added possibly ) over the next 5 weeks.

we rehearse/live here in Brooklyn, but yes- we are taking the show to D.C. For 3 nights in Feb.

In DC we were invited to be a part of a festival so they are providing transportation and lodging fees for us. We will rehearse in Bushwick and in the Village and drink alcohol probably as we rehearse. It's a bizarre piece. (Sounds it.) The character we had u in mind for is "the matron" - a listless young woman of dubious trade ( something of a nurse or prostitute ) (Nursing is dubious? And akin to prostitution? I never knew...) addicted to doses of liquid opium, dressed in tassels (Where are the tassels placed? This might be an important point to clarify...), sequins, & garters of a bygone era, wears an eye patch, & a mysterious birth mark on her forehead. The other 3 characters are all men. Their names are "the baron", "the rustler", and "the auctioneer"....

We'll rehearse Thurs and Sun nights for the next 5 weeks which should suffice for a 20-25 minute play. No set, but quite elaborate costumes. Will send a script via email for consideration.

we are wild, ridiculous fine young gentlemen artists who do not care about a lot of the things some 'new' theatre people who have come to NYC to care about. (Like maintaining a professional, trustworthy working environment that is safe for females?) There's no payment aside for accommodation and credit for this. That being said, we might be good for your resume (we've got a legitimate and cool NYC Indy theatre cred) but more importantly we are smart, fucked up, sweet artists doing real fun stuff and it is always a positive life in art experience taking an adventure.

Respond with a resume and headshot. Please have a Wild spirit, risk taking capacity, open heart, and decent technique. Should we hold auditions they would be within the next week in a wild loft apartment in Bushwick off the Morgan stop L train.

P.s. -- an ability and interest in playing a role with fast-paced lines with great comic timing (yet also with sincerity when needed) is important.

--
Posted from my iPod touch using CraigsPro

* Location: Bklyn NY
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

I'm all for experimental theatre - good for you. But a good actress probably knows better than to audition in a sketchy loft apartment in Bushwick with a bunch of 30-something dudes. (I hope.)

PS - You wrote all that out on your iPod but couldn't be bothered to write the three-letter word "You"? That seems weird to me.
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What? Whaaat?? WHAT???

ACTRESS
Date: 2011-01-10, 10:49PM EST
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Major Network TV Senior Casting Director, in charge of casting for new television shows, seeks attractive female actresses or models that are in search of starring or supporting roles upon the successful completion of a "casting couch" interview. You MUST CONFIRM your that you understand the meaning of the "casting couch" interviewing process with me (otherwise no reply). Please send a face and full body photo, and CONTACT PHONE NUMBER with your email marked "NBC TV." All appointments will be scheduled via telephone. I look forward to your submissions.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $2000 to $5000 per episode

Well, at least you don't have to do an awkward monologue audition. *Whew*
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Ho, Ho, Hos?

It's that time of year again - when little people are in demand for the seasonal, elfin entertainment of those who aren't little people. There aren't many specifics here, but I really hope they're not adding injury to insult by making this an elf-stripper thing. And I hope the stripper poles aren't red & white striped. But most importantly, I hope the "naughty list" puns are kept to a minimum...

Midget Pole dancers needed for 12/16 (SoHo)
Date: 2010-12-02, 5:58PM EST
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Midget poled [sic] dancers needed for an event on December 16th. We are looking for sexy fun little people to pole dance/ go-go dance on an elevated platform. This is for a fun Holiday party to be held on Thursday December 16th. This will be a very fun exciting private invitation only event. We will be casting this saturday at our office in Soho (Houston and Broadway).
The rate is TBD.
Please respond with photos.
Thanks and Best Regards!

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

Merry Christmas! (And you might want to wash your hands after opening your gifts - just in case.)
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Something For Everyone

Women needed for various filming (Harrison)
Date: 2010-11-04, 4:13PM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I will be honest and straight up ('K, thanks), I work with 4 different video companies (That's good). Here are the 2 categories looking for ladies.

1) Hip Hop videos no nudity nothing implied
2) Adult Video... (High pay, nudity, sexual nature)

* Location: Harrison
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: Depends on which your cast for.

So many companies... so few options.
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