Thursday, September 26, 2013

Sounds Not-Fun

Stuart XXXXX Casting
Stuart XXXXX, casting dir. CEO

Seeking females for a job on "Project R," a reality show. Casting director states: "This position requires that these females be exclusively devoted to their employer, however, this is not an escort position. They will not flirt or lead another person on or suggest or engage in any inappropriate behavior. They will be an extension of the employer's image. While utilizing gorgeous, talented, and smart females as part of his inner circle, the employer's image will ultimately be as it always has been and what it is: an honest, successful engaging person who everyone wants to do business with. These females do not define the employer in any way, rather they are a 'branding' tool. Applicants must possess personality and an ability to fit in with the other female employees and be part of the team, working together to enhance their employer's image as directed at all times. Additional responsibilities include hostessing dinner parties and charitable events, accompanying their employer in public at all times to dinners, events etc. College degrees and work experience in 'high end' social concierge areas are a plus. Seeking independent, well-spoken, trustworthy, and highly motivated females who want to develop their careers to the next level. Positive training in all key areas will be provided, as well as opportunities to expand and elevate themselves within other business areas, including merger & acquisition areas, global financing, deal making, independent film financing, and other areas of production."


Shoot dates & location TBD.

After passing a 90-day trial period, an official position will be offered which will exceed an average $150,000/yr., plus all living, travel and wardrobe expenses. They will travel with their employer on his personal jet, yachts, and various other modes of transportation. Wardrobe, hair, spa, nails, etc. will be provided.

WHAT? And you said there's no sex, right? Right???

Female: (Lead) to work with a very high-powered businessman and become part of his branding within the world of the wealthy and powerful, will work among a who’s who among many fields; seeking beautiful, hot, fit, classy, smart, high-end model types who love living life to the fullest, must enjoy travel, strong worth ethic, able to work full time (long days and weeks). Casting personnel state: "These females will be screened not only for their beauty, sexiness, class, social skills, etc.; they must also have qualifications to be a personal assistant." 

Seeking submissions nationwide/worldwide

Note: Talent must be able to provide their own transportation to audition in Los Angeles. Talent must be totally unattached (i.e. single, no boyfriends or kids). Talent must be willing to travel and live at employer's homes/mansions and be extremely reliable. ("We didn't hire you to be a 'person' with friends and family! We hired you to be a 'thing' - MY 'thing'!")

Sunday, September 01, 2013

Forget Strippers With Hearts Of Gold...

...these ladies have strong socio-political views:


SEARCHING FOR WOMAN WITH D CUP OR BIGGER BREASTS. SHE IS A STRIPPER IN A CLUB IN QUEENS. MUST BE COMFORTABLE WITH TOPLESS NUDITY.  After her dance, she gives advice about sex to the "skinny girls"...1 speech, 1 scene  (29) (Ah yes, sex for skinny girls! So much different than sex for non-skinny girls... is it?)


SEARCHING FOR NATIVE AMERICAN WOMAN. MID 20S TO 50S. MUST BE COMFORTABLE WITH NUDITY. She is another member of the theatre company, and she talks to the group about women who are shamed for having their period...2 speeches, at least 1 scene  (81) (Are there women who are ashamed of having their periods? Do they mean 'ashamed' or 'annoyed'?)


SEARCHING FOR AFRICAN AMERICAN BUTCH / STUD LESBIAN ACTRESS. MUST BE COMFORTABLE WITH NUDITY. She is another member of the theater company and she talks to the group about the injustice done to 4 young black lesbians who were convicted of gang assault and received long sentences in New York State prisons for defending themselves against street harassment...1 speech and at least 1 scene. (Preach! Now take your top off!)

I can't remember where this came from or why there is no payment information. Sorry! But I think it's safe to say that none of my readers would have wanted to apply...