Friday, April 23, 2010

Someone Needs To Get Hooked On Phonics

Gabby submit herself for this show because the original notice looked like an interesting opportunity. This reply email (sent today for an audition TODAY) gives me second thoughts.

Thank you for your submission for our NYC Comedy Show Casting!

We are seeking the following:

1 Caucasian Male
1 Latin Female
1 African American Female
1 Caucasian Female

GOOD NEWS! (We found a cure for cancer???!!!) Due to the huge amount of talent from our first casting, we are now considering an onsomble cast for the show. 

Onsomble. ? You have to be fucking kidding me.

The last audition will take place today on Friday April 23rd, 7:30–9pm at:

568 Broadway 2nd FL, Soho NYC
Directions: Take the N, R or W trains to Prince Street, come out at Broadway and your there! (Don't try to make nice with more exclamation points. You've just insulted me by thinking I don't deserve the time it would take for you to spell check a PROFESSIONAL EMAIL.)


Please text Richard at (305) 917-XXXX or email: to schedule an audition slot. ALL ACTORS MUST SCHEDULE AN AUDITION SLOT!

Items you must bring to the casting:

1. Headshots and bio (if you do not yet have headshots yet its okay, just bring a brief bio on yourself and email us a most recent pic along with your age, height, hair color and nationality. (I believe an audition is like a job interview and it's sort of illegal and unethical to ask someone's age [if they are over 18] and nationality. I mean, if you're looking for a 30 y/o Caucasian and someone walks in/sends a photo and they look like they fit the bill - then that's how you judge. You use your eyeballs.)

2. Prepare a “1 MINUTE COMEDY MONALOG(*facepalm*) of your choice that shows your full comedic talent & versatile range (Impersonations are highly encouraged!)

3. Your COMEDY A-GAME! For you will only have 1 minute to make our casting directors laugh. (Too bad, I only ever audition with my B-Game. Because that's how I roll: half-assed & sloppy. Just like this email.)

The comedy show’s producer and native New Yorker, has some major film & tv connects that he will pitch the show to this year. One has worked in films such as Traffic, Primal Fear & Scarface, so yes this production is a big deal! And the very reason why our casting directors in both NYC and MIAMI are seeking the best of the very best comedic talent that NYC has to offer. (So, then why are you in Miami, again?)

If you are selected as a cast member, then you will also be considered for a role in a “Feature Romantic Comedy Film” which features original comedic characters from the show! If you are not selected be not dismay, for we have multiple comedic skits to film and will need a host of extras in each of them, in addition to the feature comedy film as well.

The best of luck to you. And bring your A-GAME on Friday April 23rd!

Just for kicks & giggles, I submit to you, dear, educated reader, a better version of the travesty written above:

Thank you for submitting your picture & resume for our new comedy show. A second round of auditions is being held today, April 23, 7:30-9PM at NYFA, 568 Broadway (between Houston & Prince), 2nd Floor. We would like to schedule you for an audition. Auditions will be held in 10 minute slots. Email us at, or call XXX-XXX-XXXX to schedule a time slot. Prepare a 1 minute comedic monologue; impersonations welcome. Bring pix & resumes (if available), and a brief bio. Auditioners will be considered for possible future projects as well.


Andrea said...

Onsomble. It's French for "sit around wasting rehearsal time"

Comma splices and a "your" instead of "you're"...oy. Even the word verification for this comment is misspelled in honor of this ad.

stella by starlight said...

Monalog. It's Italian for "say words while I stare at your tits." Often confused with its Latin root word Moonalog, which is the silly act of mooning a tree branch.

Gabby said...

Ah... Gabby never was very good with other languages. Thanks Ladies - it all makes sense now.