Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Somewhere, A Portrait Of You Will Have Aged Considerably After Reading This Ad.
Date Posted: 08/22/10
Title: ROTS SEEKS IDEAL "DORIAN GRAY"
Description: The Rage of the Stage Players, Pittsburgh’s alternative performance company specializing in original horror, adult-oriented comedy, and mature fantasy shows, just to name a few of our strange genres, are now coming off of our critically acclaimed and high-profile original production, FAIREST: THE BLACK TALE OF SNOW WHITE. That means we are in high gear as we CONTINUE our exhaustive search for the ideal young male actor to play the title role in our original, unique, premiering stage adaptation of Oscar Wilde’s gothic horror novel, THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY. THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY will be a complex process. (Well, okay, let me pull up a chair and some knitting while you go on and on and on about it...) The show is slated to open our 2011 season, but the process must begin now, as up to 5 paintings of the performer must be completed, which will be a lengthy overall process. (Holy shit dude - have you heard of computers? Just do a brush-stroke filter then print in large format and varnish. Sure, it's not the same as a REAL painting but casting 5 month sin advance? Good luck with that.) We require an actor who will be 100% COMMITTED, dedicated, devoted to the piece, and realizes that once the process is in motion, he must see it through. (Ah, so you're already worried about this unrealistic time commitment. Well, take your own hint, then. Because if an actor gets a better deal - say, one that PAYS - I'm sure he's gone faster than it takes for you to finish writing this ad. [Actually, I could apply to and complete grad school by the time you finish this ad.]) It is critical that you realize the right actor is being asked to make a commitment a little less than ONE-YEAR in advance. (I think it's critical that you get your head checked.) The show will take place next spring, and though it will not begin rehearsals until late winter/early spring 2010-11, pre-production must be timed-out in advance. Fear not, we have no intention of monopolizing a year of your time. That is only the overall span of pre-production on our part. We just need to secure the right person in place, schedule occasional portrait sittings, and begin rehearsals on a regular schedule once the time grows nearer. Also, please be aware that The Rage of the Stage Players are a not-for-profit organization, who are composed ENTIRELY of VOLUNTEERS. We do not offer any compensation beyond enjoyment and experience, but you definitely won’t find what we have to offer just anywhere….and this opportunity/role not to be missed. If you’ve seen any of our past work such as Something Grimm, Dracula: Dragon Prince, Villains, A Little Red, Richard O’Brien’s: The Rocky Horror Show, the award-winning Alice’s Adventures in “Wonderland,” Dorothy in Oz (set in a mental institution), Twisted Monologues, or our Latest, FAIREST: The Black Tale of Snow White, you already know the kinds of dependable, dedicated, unique, and fun character actors with whom we work. And we’re ready to add one more to the fold! Yes, for us it’s Halloween all-year round, including intense, film quality make-up and costumes, set in a framework of over-the-top stories. Be it original concepts or skewed adaptations of gothic classics and fairy tales with a bawdy twist, we’re interested in them all!
Qualifications: This leading role will be a dramatically challenging one and not for the faint-of-heart! The actor we seek for this dark/beautiful production must be young, yet seasoned/experienced enough to push themselves, as well as meet the following criteria: - Age 18 to 25 (or extremely close—no younger, please) - Athletic build -5’ 10” in height or taller - Handsome, good features - Open-minded, COMPLETELY uninhibited. There will be intense sexual situations/physical contact with other actors in the piece, both heterosexual and homosexual, so if you are uncomfortable with yourself, this is NOT for you. This story is famous (or infamous) for its theme of giving oneself over completely to vice. - No aversion to partial nudity - Ability to do a High British accent, or have a willingness/ability to learn - Willingness to travel to the South Park area outside of Pittsburgh for rehearsals (own transportation). - Willingness to discuss growing hair longer and “possibly” (? "Possibly"? I think the definition of possibly stands well on it's own with out superfluous quotation marks) color it
How to Apply: If you like wild, alternative, guerrilla theatre and are open to new experiences and directions, we're your group. So if we’ve piqued your interest and you’d like to be considered, please send your performance resume, headshot and some body shots which clearly show your physique (or a link to such photos) to rageofthestage(at)yahoo(dot)com (some of our past work may be seen at www.facebook.com/rageofthestage). You may also direct ANY questions you may have to this email address as well (which we advise). Performers must be located within Pittsburgh or the surrounding areas only, please.
Get me a shawl and some chamomile... I need a nap.
...
Title: ROTS SEEKS IDEAL "DORIAN GRAY"
Description: The Rage of the Stage Players, Pittsburgh’s alternative performance company specializing in original horror, adult-oriented comedy, and mature fantasy shows, just to name a few of our strange genres, are now coming off of our critically acclaimed and high-profile original production, FAIREST: THE BLACK TALE OF SNOW WHITE. That means we are in high gear as we CONTINUE our exhaustive search for the ideal young male actor to play the title role in our original, unique, premiering stage adaptation of Oscar Wilde’s gothic horror novel, THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY. THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY will be a complex process. (Well, okay, let me pull up a chair and some knitting while you go on and on and on about it...) The show is slated to open our 2011 season, but the process must begin now, as up to 5 paintings of the performer must be completed, which will be a lengthy overall process. (Holy shit dude - have you heard of computers? Just do a brush-stroke filter then print in large format and varnish. Sure, it's not the same as a REAL painting but casting 5 month sin advance? Good luck with that.) We require an actor who will be 100% COMMITTED, dedicated, devoted to the piece, and realizes that once the process is in motion, he must see it through. (Ah, so you're already worried about this unrealistic time commitment. Well, take your own hint, then. Because if an actor gets a better deal - say, one that PAYS - I'm sure he's gone faster than it takes for you to finish writing this ad. [Actually, I could apply to and complete grad school by the time you finish this ad.]) It is critical that you realize the right actor is being asked to make a commitment a little less than ONE-YEAR in advance. (I think it's critical that you get your head checked.) The show will take place next spring, and though it will not begin rehearsals until late winter/early spring 2010-11, pre-production must be timed-out in advance. Fear not, we have no intention of monopolizing a year of your time. That is only the overall span of pre-production on our part. We just need to secure the right person in place, schedule occasional portrait sittings, and begin rehearsals on a regular schedule once the time grows nearer. Also, please be aware that The Rage of the Stage Players are a not-for-profit organization, who are composed ENTIRELY of VOLUNTEERS. We do not offer any compensation beyond enjoyment and experience, but you definitely won’t find what we have to offer just anywhere….and this opportunity/role not to be missed. If you’ve seen any of our past work such as Something Grimm, Dracula: Dragon Prince, Villains, A Little Red, Richard O’Brien’s: The Rocky Horror Show, the award-winning Alice’s Adventures in “Wonderland,” Dorothy in Oz (set in a mental institution), Twisted Monologues, or our Latest, FAIREST: The Black Tale of Snow White, you already know the kinds of dependable, dedicated, unique, and fun character actors with whom we work. And we’re ready to add one more to the fold! Yes, for us it’s Halloween all-year round, including intense, film quality make-up and costumes, set in a framework of over-the-top stories. Be it original concepts or skewed adaptations of gothic classics and fairy tales with a bawdy twist, we’re interested in them all!
Qualifications: This leading role will be a dramatically challenging one and not for the faint-of-heart! The actor we seek for this dark/beautiful production must be young, yet seasoned/experienced enough to push themselves, as well as meet the following criteria: - Age 18 to 25 (or extremely close—no younger, please) - Athletic build -5’ 10” in height or taller - Handsome, good features - Open-minded, COMPLETELY uninhibited. There will be intense sexual situations/physical contact with other actors in the piece, both heterosexual and homosexual, so if you are uncomfortable with yourself, this is NOT for you. This story is famous (or infamous) for its theme of giving oneself over completely to vice. - No aversion to partial nudity - Ability to do a High British accent, or have a willingness/ability to learn - Willingness to travel to the South Park area outside of Pittsburgh for rehearsals (own transportation). - Willingness to discuss growing hair longer and “possibly” (? "Possibly"? I think the definition of possibly stands well on it's own with out superfluous quotation marks) color it
How to Apply: If you like wild, alternative, guerrilla theatre and are open to new experiences and directions, we're your group. So if we’ve piqued your interest and you’d like to be considered, please send your performance resume, headshot and some body shots which clearly show your physique (or a link to such photos) to rageofthestage(at)yahoo(dot)com (some of our past work may be seen at www.facebook.com/rageofthestage). You may also direct ANY questions you may have to this email address as well (which we advise). Performers must be located within Pittsburgh or the surrounding areas only, please.
Get me a shawl and some chamomile... I need a nap.
...
Friday, August 13, 2010
An Exercise In Futility.
Drama Teacher for 3 - 7 yr olds (Manhattan) (THREE YEAR OLDS???)
Date: 2010-08-13, 10:53AM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Must be available Wed. afternoons. Seeking Team Player. Room for growth with outstanding organization. Please note if you have an education background or have taught this age, or are a masochist. Please note if you have a movement background, like if you are capable of running away really fast, or can curl up in a ball and rock back and forth as you cry softly. Seeking candidate who will be staying in NYC till June 2010. (June 2010? This was posted August 2010...) Send pic, resume, three professional references and a cover letter why you'd like this opportunity. Please give all times you are available for an interview Tues. Wed. and Thursdays. Must be able to start September 22.
* Location: Manhattan
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: part time TBA
"Ok Johnny and Suzy, close your eyes and imagine you're in a dark, empty room... No there are no monsters in the room, it's empty... Yes, mommy and daddy can find you, don't worry... Well you should have used the bathroom before we began our relaxation and visualization exercises... No, you may not have your binky..."
... ...
Date: 2010-08-13, 10:53AM EDT
Reply to: XXXXX.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Must be available Wed. afternoons. Seeking Team Player. Room for growth with outstanding organization. Please note if you have an education background or have taught this age, or are a masochist. Please note if you have a movement background, like if you are capable of running away really fast, or can curl up in a ball and rock back and forth as you cry softly. Seeking candidate who will be staying in NYC till June 2010. (June 2010? This was posted August 2010...) Send pic, resume, three professional references and a cover letter why you'd like this opportunity. Please give all times you are available for an interview Tues. Wed. and Thursdays. Must be able to start September 22.
* Location: Manhattan
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: part time TBA
"Ok Johnny and Suzy, close your eyes and imagine you're in a dark, empty room... No there are no monsters in the room, it's empty... Yes, mommy and daddy can find you, don't worry... Well you should have used the bathroom before we began our relaxation and visualization exercises... No, you may not have your binky..."
... ...
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
It's Funny Because It Sounds Degrading!
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Monday, August 02, 2010
Why DO We Always Cast The Devil With A British Accent?
ELITE ARRANGEMENTS
Commercial
NON-UNION
RUN: TBD
Producer: Fred XXXXX
Director: Tim XXXXX
Casting Director: Sara XXXXX
Interview Dates: Currently
Callback Dates: August 10
Shoot/Start Date: TBD
Pay Rate: There is pay plus expenses
Location: Boca Raton, FL
SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY
EliteArrangements is an online dating services company. The firm has been established to create a dating site to provide consumers with a forum for attractive individuals to meet wealthy benefactors. The goal of the company is to facilitate romantic opportunities which result in a mutually beneficial relationship for our consumers. (Ack! I think I just died of grossness overload.) EliteArrangements is seeking to establish itself as the premier trusted dating resource for the rich and the beautiful. Customers are able to join the website and to create a profile free of charge. A customer profile is comprised of a series of personal questions and/or a photograph, video or audio file. Free trial customers are free to correspond with members of the site but will be required to upgrade to a paid membership to read any correspondence they receive from the site...
WHAT WE NEED FROM OUR TALENT:
PLEASE SUBMIT BY FRIDAY, JULY 30TH, 2010 AT 6 PM PST. EVERYONE WHO SUBMITS BY THEN WILL RECEIVE AN ECO-CAST INVITATION VIA CMAIL TO TAPE THEIR AUDITION.
The script is below so you can get started. When recording, please make certain your surroundings are quiet, that you are well-lit (but with no harsh lighting), and that you're close enough to the microphone that we can hear you clearly. Please turn off all televisions, radios, fans, ceiling fans, heaters, anything that makes noise. Please ensure that any pets or other individuals in the room are silent during the recording. Please include your name at the front of your demo, and agency if applicable.
Our deadline is fast approaching. Please submit as soon as possible, in addition to your availability for the third or fourth weeks of August, 2010 (we'll likely be shooting for one day around August 23rd, but may have some flexibility). The production will be shot in Boca Raton, FL. All travel, hotel and meal expenses will be paid, in addition to the talent fee. We require non-union talent. The talent fee is a buyout, and is inclusive of all agent and managerial fees. We are also happy to work direct with you.
DEMO SCRIPT FOR RECORDING. PLEASE READ IN A PROFESSIONAL, YET SLIGHTLY PLAYFUL MANNER. YOU MAY DO TWO DIFFERENT TAKES IF YOU LIKE. Please see notes above on how to record audition.
"What do wealthy distinguished men - and stunning young women have in common? EliteArrangements: Where success and beauty come together! Most successful men don’t have time to mingle. And attractive women don’t know where to look. Now there’s place for the discreet to meet... At EliteArrangements! We prequalify all our members to the highest standards --Then introduce wealthy men with a passion for life --To beautiful women who know what they need! Life is too short to not be appreciated. So log on to Elite Arrangements and create your profile for FREE! Then find the type of relationship your REALLY looking for. Because good things come to those who date!"
[SPOKESPERSON]
25-35 years, FEMALE spokesperson, authentic (meaning native) refined British accent. If you're not British but think you do a spot-on British accent, please apply (but didn't you just specify "native" speakers?).
"Here at I'm-Not-An-Escort-I'm-Just-A-Regular-Gold-Digger, we strive for the highest standards in hooking up two of the lowest common denominators: men who only care about how hot a woman is, and women who only care about money. It brings us pleasure to know that these urchins aren't out infecting the rest of the more sane and moral universe. So, if you're ready to sell your soul for some fake-tan and silicone whore who wants to bleed you dry financially, or if you're aching to formally announce to the world that your love actually has a monetary value... then INAEIJARGD is ready for you! People with consciences need not apply."
...
Commercial
NON-UNION
RUN: TBD
Producer: Fred XXXXX
Director: Tim XXXXX
Casting Director: Sara XXXXX
Interview Dates: Currently
Callback Dates: August 10
Shoot/Start Date: TBD
Pay Rate: There is pay plus expenses
Location: Boca Raton, FL
SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY
EliteArrangements is an online dating services company. The firm has been established to create a dating site to provide consumers with a forum for attractive individuals to meet wealthy benefactors. The goal of the company is to facilitate romantic opportunities which result in a mutually beneficial relationship for our consumers. (Ack! I think I just died of grossness overload.) EliteArrangements is seeking to establish itself as the premier trusted dating resource for the rich and the beautiful. Customers are able to join the website and to create a profile free of charge. A customer profile is comprised of a series of personal questions and/or a photograph, video or audio file. Free trial customers are free to correspond with members of the site but will be required to upgrade to a paid membership to read any correspondence they receive from the site...
WHAT WE NEED FROM OUR TALENT:
PLEASE SUBMIT BY FRIDAY, JULY 30TH, 2010 AT 6 PM PST. EVERYONE WHO SUBMITS BY THEN WILL RECEIVE AN ECO-CAST INVITATION VIA CMAIL TO TAPE THEIR AUDITION.
The script is below so you can get started. When recording, please make certain your surroundings are quiet, that you are well-lit (but with no harsh lighting), and that you're close enough to the microphone that we can hear you clearly. Please turn off all televisions, radios, fans, ceiling fans, heaters, anything that makes noise. Please ensure that any pets or other individuals in the room are silent during the recording. Please include your name at the front of your demo, and agency if applicable.
Our deadline is fast approaching. Please submit as soon as possible, in addition to your availability for the third or fourth weeks of August, 2010 (we'll likely be shooting for one day around August 23rd, but may have some flexibility). The production will be shot in Boca Raton, FL. All travel, hotel and meal expenses will be paid, in addition to the talent fee. We require non-union talent. The talent fee is a buyout, and is inclusive of all agent and managerial fees. We are also happy to work direct with you.
DEMO SCRIPT FOR RECORDING. PLEASE READ IN A PROFESSIONAL, YET SLIGHTLY PLAYFUL MANNER. YOU MAY DO TWO DIFFERENT TAKES IF YOU LIKE. Please see notes above on how to record audition.
"What do wealthy distinguished men - and stunning young women have in common? EliteArrangements: Where success and beauty come together! Most successful men don’t have time to mingle. And attractive women don’t know where to look. Now there’s place for the discreet to meet... At EliteArrangements! We prequalify all our members to the highest standards --Then introduce wealthy men with a passion for life --To beautiful women who know what they need! Life is too short to not be appreciated. So log on to Elite Arrangements and create your profile for FREE! Then find the type of relationship your REALLY looking for. Because good things come to those who date!"
[SPOKESPERSON]
25-35 years, FEMALE spokesperson, authentic (meaning native) refined British accent. If you're not British but think you do a spot-on British accent, please apply (but didn't you just specify "native" speakers?).
"Here at I'm-Not-An-Escort-I'm-Just-A-Regular-Gold-Digger, we strive for the highest standards in hooking up two of the lowest common denominators: men who only care about how hot a woman is, and women who only care about money. It brings us pleasure to know that these urchins aren't out infecting the rest of the more sane and moral universe. So, if you're ready to sell your soul for some fake-tan and silicone whore who wants to bleed you dry financially, or if you're aching to formally announce to the world that your love actually has a monetary value... then INAEIJARGD is ready for you! People with consciences need not apply."
...
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